Ok...so after taking a tally on the last blog (including some conversational commentary from a few people who I brought up the idea with) I'd have to say the results are inconclusive.
Men and Women are inconclusive.
Yeah...I don't think that sentence is quite grammatical or I used the word wrong there or something....I was technically going for dramatic effect, but I probably blew it on that one. Must make a note to brush up my writing skills. Apparently Writing 140 didn't do much for me...
Anyway, some things I think we can all agree on: we all play way too many games. Men have an uber rejection-complex, and they can't tell what we mean or what we are thinking or why we...(fill in the blank with basically any verb you like). And women can't figure out why we are so difficult to figure out. I mean, I think we are pretty easy to understand. Well I take that back, I think I am pretty easy to understand...yeah...who am I kidding...? I don't even understand me...so I really shouldn't expect a guy to. I kind of go back and forth on this topic. Some days I feel like I am blantantly obvious on how I feel and such, and other days I do weird stuff like cry for no reason. This probably contributes even more to male confusion. So how about this for a thesis statement--some days women are easy to understand. You just have to catch us on the right day. And if fates all align just perfectly, you might happen to ask out just the right girl at just the right time and wind up happily ever after. Encouraging? Maybe not...but at least we can all come to the happy (or irritating and obnoxious) conclusion that they won't ever get us and we won't ever get them. Now this fact, once conceded, allows us all to open up lines of communication. Though sometimes I wish I was ballsy enough to post somewhere exactly how I feel about each of the guys I know, I like to pretend my coyness has something to do with that whole "it's the guys' job to pursue" mentality. But I would also like to think that if anyone ever asked me strait up how I felt about them, or how I felt about anything really, I'd be honest about it. After all the drama I've been through in life, I've finally come to a place where I feel like I can pretty much be open about how I feel. (knock on wood) So I guess my advice on the whole guy/girl thing is, if you don't get it--ask. If you feel like asking is too scary, make one of your friends ask a friend of her friend's cousin. Sure you'll feel like you're back in Junior High, but if you want to know that badly, there are always ways to find things out.
And with that, I am going to conclude my rant on boys...for tonight and for a good while hence. I think the over-analyzing is starting to contribute to the problem. I'm going on another fast from talking about boys. I did this several weeks ago and it was really effective in reminding me to chill out, take things a day at a time, and rest in knowing that what happens happens. So for the next indeterminate amount of time, I'm not going to talk about boys or relationships (with regard to myself...I still want to know the dirt on everyone else...hey, I'm nosy...). Someone hold me to this...please?
Monday, October 31, 2005
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Are Guys Really as Stupid as We Give Them Credit For?
Today I pose the question--are guys really as stupid as we give them credit for? I'm working on a new theory about boys, and here's kind of how it goes:
A common discussion among girls is how unbelievably ignorant guys can be about a girl liking them. For those of us with the perhaps more old-school mindset that the guy should be the one to pursue in a relationship, this can be very frustrating. It means we have to be all sneaky about letting them know we are interested, in hopes that they will ask us out...and there's only so much a girl can do to show interest without just flat out saying, "Hey, I like you." I, personally, have trouble believing that a guy wouldn't be able to tell that I am interested in him--in the same way that I can tell that another girl I meet thinks that I'm cool, I feel like it should be easy for a guy to tell that a girl thinks he's cool. Obviously, it's not quite as easy to tell if a girl considers you a marriage prospect just by how she acts around you--but at least at a basic level, you know whether or not you repulse her. Now, if dating is just about getting to know a person better whom you find interesting (I know this is debatable, but for the sake of this argument, we will consider it a premise), then basic intrigue should be all that is required in order to initiate. Herein lies the problem. I don't think guys are oblivious to whether or not a girl seems intrigued, interested, or whatever. I think men are perfectly capable of judging basic human inclinations. What they lack are the guts to act on them. So it's not that a guy can't tell that a girl thinks he's cool--it's just that he wants a more definitive confirmation that if he puts himself out there, she's not going to utterly reject and humiliate him. It's not that he can't tell that you like him...he's either "just not that into you" or he doesn't have the guts to do anything about it.
In order to clear up any confusion--I don't intend to come across as a man-hater, because I'm not (although some days, I border on it). I realize that it takes a lot for a guy to have the courage to ask a girl out--there's the whole pride/ego thing and when emotions get involved, there really is a lot at stake and I don't want to demean that. But I don't buy the idea that guys just can't tell that you are interested. Unless you are 25 and still playing the "I avoid the guy I'm into like the plague" game there are basic, human ways of indicating interest. And if a girl is showing interest in a normal way, then it's not the guy's stupidity that's preventing them from getting together--there's something else. You aren't going to know whether or not that girl is romantically interested unless you do something about it--so shy of her saying, "I think I want to have your children and grow old with you," there might be a little work required on your part to see if the relationship will go anywhere (provided she's the type like me who expects the guy to make the first move). At this point you evaluate--is it worth the risk? Are you interested in advancing the relationship enough to risk rejection?
So--this is the new boy theory I'm throwing out there, all summed up: the idea that a guy can't tell whether or not a girl likes him is a shabby excuse for not having the courage to ask a girl out.
Here's where I'd really like some opinions. Perhaps I'm totally out in left field here--are we girls really that hard to read? I mean...I can see it when we are in Junior High, but by college we should have matured enough to act like normal human beings around each other. Am I wrong? I feel like sometimes we are pressured in to acting as if we don't know someone likes us, as if admitting that would make us prideful or something--so we pretend not to notice. But come on--I can usually tell if a guy likes me. Granted, there's no way for me to know if he's going to act on that or not...but I can still tell, at least on a basic level, he kind of digs me. I guess if I find it fairly easy to tell, then I don't buy that no one else seems to notice as well.
A common discussion among girls is how unbelievably ignorant guys can be about a girl liking them. For those of us with the perhaps more old-school mindset that the guy should be the one to pursue in a relationship, this can be very frustrating. It means we have to be all sneaky about letting them know we are interested, in hopes that they will ask us out...and there's only so much a girl can do to show interest without just flat out saying, "Hey, I like you." I, personally, have trouble believing that a guy wouldn't be able to tell that I am interested in him--in the same way that I can tell that another girl I meet thinks that I'm cool, I feel like it should be easy for a guy to tell that a girl thinks he's cool. Obviously, it's not quite as easy to tell if a girl considers you a marriage prospect just by how she acts around you--but at least at a basic level, you know whether or not you repulse her. Now, if dating is just about getting to know a person better whom you find interesting (I know this is debatable, but for the sake of this argument, we will consider it a premise), then basic intrigue should be all that is required in order to initiate. Herein lies the problem. I don't think guys are oblivious to whether or not a girl seems intrigued, interested, or whatever. I think men are perfectly capable of judging basic human inclinations. What they lack are the guts to act on them. So it's not that a guy can't tell that a girl thinks he's cool--it's just that he wants a more definitive confirmation that if he puts himself out there, she's not going to utterly reject and humiliate him. It's not that he can't tell that you like him...he's either "just not that into you" or he doesn't have the guts to do anything about it.
In order to clear up any confusion--I don't intend to come across as a man-hater, because I'm not (although some days, I border on it). I realize that it takes a lot for a guy to have the courage to ask a girl out--there's the whole pride/ego thing and when emotions get involved, there really is a lot at stake and I don't want to demean that. But I don't buy the idea that guys just can't tell that you are interested. Unless you are 25 and still playing the "I avoid the guy I'm into like the plague" game there are basic, human ways of indicating interest. And if a girl is showing interest in a normal way, then it's not the guy's stupidity that's preventing them from getting together--there's something else. You aren't going to know whether or not that girl is romantically interested unless you do something about it--so shy of her saying, "I think I want to have your children and grow old with you," there might be a little work required on your part to see if the relationship will go anywhere (provided she's the type like me who expects the guy to make the first move). At this point you evaluate--is it worth the risk? Are you interested in advancing the relationship enough to risk rejection?
So--this is the new boy theory I'm throwing out there, all summed up: the idea that a guy can't tell whether or not a girl likes him is a shabby excuse for not having the courage to ask a girl out.
Here's where I'd really like some opinions. Perhaps I'm totally out in left field here--are we girls really that hard to read? I mean...I can see it when we are in Junior High, but by college we should have matured enough to act like normal human beings around each other. Am I wrong? I feel like sometimes we are pressured in to acting as if we don't know someone likes us, as if admitting that would make us prideful or something--so we pretend not to notice. But come on--I can usually tell if a guy likes me. Granted, there's no way for me to know if he's going to act on that or not...but I can still tell, at least on a basic level, he kind of digs me. I guess if I find it fairly easy to tell, then I don't buy that no one else seems to notice as well.
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Intimacy and Blogging
So this is a topic I've been mulling over the last couple of days--especially after all the jokes about Rhett and his blogging conference. I kind of wanted to write about it last night, but I opted to finish my midterm take-home essays first, then a friend of mine left me a message about my blog on IM, saying...
"is it weird knowing that people could get to know you, on a somewhat intimate level I might add, without you getting to know them at all?"
Yes. It is weird. But I think what makes the difference is that I don't feel like I'm being very personal on here. Most of the things I blog about are God-topics...which, even when they are kind of personal, I don't really mind throwing out there. I have this theory...when it comes to talking about God, I'd rather go ahead and share really personal stuff, if it means that it will somehow help someone else out. I have very few secrets--I'm usually more than willing to tell people exactly how I feel about things, if they only ask. But blogging about God, and even certain topics, to me, just doesn't really feel intimate. There are lots of subjects that I'm not going to rant about because I'm not especially fond of airing dirty laundry. Some things just shouldn't go published for all to see. And I think those are the kinds of things that people have to ask me about personally in order to really know.
That being said, I kind of hate that the things I write don't usually generate conversation. Even if/when people leave comments...it is still rather impersonal, and I don't particularly like that aspect of writing on here. Though there is a certain release that comes from getting my thoughts down. I really love to journal, but even when I write in my journal (which is supposed to be personal), I write as if some day someone will read what I have to say. I guess I always thought it would be something cool to share with my husband someday...though as time has passed, there are more and more bits that I don't particularly want to share with anyone. But I don't use this blog as a journal--so instead of chronicling what I've been up to, it more or less allows me to discuss life theories (because I seem to be coming up with new ones all the time) or comment on things I notice. And in that way, it allows me to put my ideas out there--which really aren't so much personal.
Again, I don't really feel like that was very coherent. Basically, I love to write out random stuff on here, as my mind is always churning on some new topic or I have some sort of experience with God that I can't help but share with anyone who will listen (PS--God is totally awesome). So maybe it's dorky...and it's probably just one more way that modern technology keeps us from having to have real conversations and connections with other humans...but I plan to keep it up anyways. Hopefully these ideas and conversations will go further than the computer screen and start real connections with people.
And if you're stalking me...learning all sorts of random secrets about me without me actually knowing you...then seriously, quit being creepy. Come talk to me. I'm more interesting in person anyway.
"is it weird knowing that people could get to know you, on a somewhat intimate level I might add, without you getting to know them at all?"
Yes. It is weird. But I think what makes the difference is that I don't feel like I'm being very personal on here. Most of the things I blog about are God-topics...which, even when they are kind of personal, I don't really mind throwing out there. I have this theory...when it comes to talking about God, I'd rather go ahead and share really personal stuff, if it means that it will somehow help someone else out. I have very few secrets--I'm usually more than willing to tell people exactly how I feel about things, if they only ask. But blogging about God, and even certain topics, to me, just doesn't really feel intimate. There are lots of subjects that I'm not going to rant about because I'm not especially fond of airing dirty laundry. Some things just shouldn't go published for all to see. And I think those are the kinds of things that people have to ask me about personally in order to really know.
That being said, I kind of hate that the things I write don't usually generate conversation. Even if/when people leave comments...it is still rather impersonal, and I don't particularly like that aspect of writing on here. Though there is a certain release that comes from getting my thoughts down. I really love to journal, but even when I write in my journal (which is supposed to be personal), I write as if some day someone will read what I have to say. I guess I always thought it would be something cool to share with my husband someday...though as time has passed, there are more and more bits that I don't particularly want to share with anyone. But I don't use this blog as a journal--so instead of chronicling what I've been up to, it more or less allows me to discuss life theories (because I seem to be coming up with new ones all the time) or comment on things I notice. And in that way, it allows me to put my ideas out there--which really aren't so much personal.
Again, I don't really feel like that was very coherent. Basically, I love to write out random stuff on here, as my mind is always churning on some new topic or I have some sort of experience with God that I can't help but share with anyone who will listen (PS--God is totally awesome). So maybe it's dorky...and it's probably just one more way that modern technology keeps us from having to have real conversations and connections with other humans...but I plan to keep it up anyways. Hopefully these ideas and conversations will go further than the computer screen and start real connections with people.
And if you're stalking me...learning all sorts of random secrets about me without me actually knowing you...then seriously, quit being creepy. Come talk to me. I'm more interesting in person anyway.
Monday, October 17, 2005
The Fabulous Girls of SC at Fall Retreat
We definitely made an awesome showing this year at retreat, and from experiencing Dena's first smore (granted, it was sort of fake--we had to use the microwave to make them) to getting a play by play of the Notre Dame game from Inge's sister on her cell, it was for sure a success and a great time of bonding with each other and with all the Quest-ers. I wish we could have all gone.
This weekend was especially good for me, as it came right between my two weeks of midterms. (I'm currently procrastinating on studying for my next one and finishing the take-home essays for today's...are we surprised?) It was such an excellent time of rest and fellowship. As the passage for the weekend came from John 15, I really got to experience abiding in Christ in a real way...few distractions and the solitude of nature. Here are my personal highlights...
*I met this guy named Grant who definitely went to Texas A&M, so we had this great College Station moment talking about places we liked to go. It was sort of dorky--yet way cool.
*There really is nothing like gloating about our AMAZING last-second victory in front of a bunch of Bruins...
*It snowed on Sunday, which was unbelievably cold, especially for little retard-me who didn't really pack for winter-esque weather. But I sucked it up and danced around in the falling flakes anyway.
*On a more God-level, I really enjoyed our small group time, especially the last time we met. We each shared a way in which we could testify personally to God working in our lives--this could probably warrant a new entry, but I'll just sum mine up in this one anyway...
For those that have heard my testimony, I've been through all sorts of crazy and gross drama--most everything you can think of, short of major drug addiction and jail time. But when I look at my life, those things don't really stand out as prominently as the fact that God has been so good to me. No matter what kinds of things I go through, God has constantly and consistently blessed me. He's there when it gets hard, and He is always surprising me with things I don't deserve: opportunities, material things, friends, and so on. So in all the yuck, I can still firmly stand on the truth that God is good. I hate my body and all the issues that come with it...but God is good. I hate how guys have treated me in the past...but God is so good. It's a peace and joy that I really wish I could pass on to other people.
*Saturday night's talk was really cool as well. At the end Lyndsey started setting up chairs and bowls of water, and, after being at Bel Air for a year now, I knew what was coming. I've done feet-washings a couple of times in my life...it's always a really bizarre experience. When Rhett got done talking, they invited the Bible study leaders and servant team up first, then we were given the opportunity to turn around and wash the others' feet. Something you have to understand about me in order to really get this--I HATE feet. That's only mostly true, I hate most feet. I think my feet are kind of cute. (I don't know if this makes me vain or just plain weird) But most feet I think are just gross or weird looking or some other negatively connotated term. However, when it comes to washing other people's feet, my personal biases go completely out the window. The idea of serving someone in such an intimate way is soo cool to me. I hate the idea of someone washing my feet (cute or not), but I don't mind serving someone else. But I knew that I had to humble myself to get my feet washed before I could wash someone else. It was awkward and uncomfortable, but it really gave me some insight into how the disciples must have felt when Jesus washed their feet. I felt really weird having Lyndsey (my Bible study leader and the women's intern at Quest) wash my feet just because I still kind of see her as my superior--but seriously, what would it have been like to have God Himself humbled at your feet, washing them--especially if you have uber-nasty feet like the disciples who walked everywhere in sandals. Whoa. I might have had a hernia. Who am I that the Creator of the universe would humble Himself to serve me...to die for me?
*Finally, the best God-moment was Saturday morning when we were all given the "assignment" to go off alone for 45 minutes with God. I found a big rock that sat high above part of a trail and looked out to the trees and mountain skyline. Wrapped up in my Mexican blanket, I let the strong winds blow the hair around my face--it was all a bit transcendent and so beautiful. The wind kept ripping through the trees in gusts and it reminded me of this passage:
1 Kings 19:11-12--"Then He said, 'Go out, and stand on the mountain before the Lord.' And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore into the mountains and broke the rocks in pieces before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice..."
So I sat there for a while, pondering the command, "Be still, and know that I am God," and listening for a still small voice. After living for a year in the middle of South Central Los Angeles, I have learned to appreciate nature in a very real sense. As I sat admiring the beauty of God's creation--I heard it. That still small voice. It wasn't audible, but it was very real. You know that voice inside your head that most people call their conscience? I think that's exactly how the Holy Spirit speaks to Christians. Well that voice, which I firmly believe is God's Spirit within me, said very clearly, "Meredith, if you think My creation is beautiful, imagine how beautiful I am." I totally got chills. I can't even imagine what it will be like to look on the face of God. Crazy.
Overall, lots of laughter and tears (it's not a good retreat unless somebody cries...), pictures, and memories that will last forever.
And with that ridiculously cheesy last line, I'm done for the night.
Thursday, October 06, 2005
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
Am I really making life analogies about hair products...?
So yesterday while I was dying my hair (back to dark brown) I had a dramatic epiphany about my life. It was time to rinse and I stepped in the shower, and casually noticed my corner of shampoo, conditioners, body wash and so on. Right now, I'm in transition of shampoo and conditioner...I'm finishing off the last of the VO5 shampoo (conditioner is already gone...I go through it faster) and have already started on the new bottle of Fructis conditioner. I basically get a different kind of shampoo and conditioner each time I go to the store...depending on if something is on sale, if I have a coupon...or if it just seems to look particularly nice that day. This is when it hits me...I've discovered why I can't seem to commit to a real relationship with a guy...why my life always seems full of boy drama that never seems to actually go anywhere but in circles. I can't even commit to a shampoo. Or a haircolor for that matter. I like change. I like to try new things. I get bored and move on to another brand, another color, another anything.
This is a bad strategy to have with boys.
"Trying on" a lot of different guys like so many pairs of shoes is generally frowned upon in Christian circles, and since that is the pool from which I would prefer to date, this leaves me relatively up a creek. And it's not that I don't intend to buy a pair eventually...it's just that they are always a little too tall or short...not quite the perfect color...straps are just a bit wide or thin--something is always just enough off that I don't really want them. So I keep trying on different ones. I finish off the bottle of one brand of shampoo and move on to the next one that looks interesting. It's like some sort of sick cycle.
So it's at this moment, when I start to feel relatively emo, that all of a sudden I see a light at the end of the tunnel: my hair gel. Fructis Style Curl Shaping Spray Gel, to be exact. I discovered this stuff some time last year, and we totally clicked. It works exactly like I want it to whenever I am scrunching my hair. We meshed. We bonded. And now I don't buy any other product. Even though I have an occasional bad hair day with the stuff, I am still 100% committed to FSCSSG. We are living happily ever after.
All that to say, I am now confident that I do not have commitment issues. I just haven't found the right shampoo yet.
Or hair color.
...or boy.
But I suppose I don't mind much. I think hair gel is a good start.
This is a bad strategy to have with boys.
"Trying on" a lot of different guys like so many pairs of shoes is generally frowned upon in Christian circles, and since that is the pool from which I would prefer to date, this leaves me relatively up a creek. And it's not that I don't intend to buy a pair eventually...it's just that they are always a little too tall or short...not quite the perfect color...straps are just a bit wide or thin--something is always just enough off that I don't really want them. So I keep trying on different ones. I finish off the bottle of one brand of shampoo and move on to the next one that looks interesting. It's like some sort of sick cycle.
So it's at this moment, when I start to feel relatively emo, that all of a sudden I see a light at the end of the tunnel: my hair gel. Fructis Style Curl Shaping Spray Gel, to be exact. I discovered this stuff some time last year, and we totally clicked. It works exactly like I want it to whenever I am scrunching my hair. We meshed. We bonded. And now I don't buy any other product. Even though I have an occasional bad hair day with the stuff, I am still 100% committed to FSCSSG. We are living happily ever after.
All that to say, I am now confident that I do not have commitment issues. I just haven't found the right shampoo yet.
Or hair color.
...or boy.
But I suppose I don't mind much. I think hair gel is a good start.
Sunday, October 02, 2005
Late, Late Night Thoughts on Art...
It's 5:30 am right now and I haven't gone to sleep yet. Was working on costume stuff for Shape. Kind of reminds me of high school--all those late nights finishing stuff uber late for the costume deadline the next morning. Mr. Will and Michelle used to get mad at me for stuff like that, but I hated to miss deadlines. Sometimes you do what you gotta do...right?
So at this point, I'm debating sleeping at all. I need to get up in an hour and a half anyways, and I think going on the adrenaline rush I've got going now will be more productive than sleeping only an hour. However, I don't know what I will do to fill the time. Then I'm pretty sure I'll get really bored during practice and fall asleep, which I'd prefer not to do. Lots of caffeine? One of these days my body is just going to give up on me. I should make an effort to get more sleep.
So my profound thought for the evening is what it means to be an artist. Not going to go into detail about what sparked this topic, but I've been thinking...one of the things I've always been adament about is having a broad definition of art. Some say that art is that which is appreciated. I would have to agree--but the appreciation doesn't necessarily have to come from a 3rd party. If you create art and you are the only one who finds it artistic...then it is still art, because it is art for you. It makes you feel something, it's your expression and you appreciate it for what it means to you, even if you are the only one who really understands it. This makes sense, yes, because honestly, how often to people really get art exactly in the way that the artist intended? Anyways...my new question is, what if the artist ceases to appreciate his own work? What if you get to a point in life where you quit thinking of yourself as an artist--you consider all your previous work to be false pretenses that someone finally saw through. Now you renounce yourself as an artist. What happens to your work? Is it really, therefore, not "art" since you have declared it not to be so? Maybe when you lose faith in yourself, you need someone to come along side you, to call your art what it is, to call your art beautiful, to understand it and appreciate it--and to help you come back around to that place where you can believe, create, and live again.
So at this point, I'm debating sleeping at all. I need to get up in an hour and a half anyways, and I think going on the adrenaline rush I've got going now will be more productive than sleeping only an hour. However, I don't know what I will do to fill the time. Then I'm pretty sure I'll get really bored during practice and fall asleep, which I'd prefer not to do. Lots of caffeine? One of these days my body is just going to give up on me. I should make an effort to get more sleep.
So my profound thought for the evening is what it means to be an artist. Not going to go into detail about what sparked this topic, but I've been thinking...one of the things I've always been adament about is having a broad definition of art. Some say that art is that which is appreciated. I would have to agree--but the appreciation doesn't necessarily have to come from a 3rd party. If you create art and you are the only one who finds it artistic...then it is still art, because it is art for you. It makes you feel something, it's your expression and you appreciate it for what it means to you, even if you are the only one who really understands it. This makes sense, yes, because honestly, how often to people really get art exactly in the way that the artist intended? Anyways...my new question is, what if the artist ceases to appreciate his own work? What if you get to a point in life where you quit thinking of yourself as an artist--you consider all your previous work to be false pretenses that someone finally saw through. Now you renounce yourself as an artist. What happens to your work? Is it really, therefore, not "art" since you have declared it not to be so? Maybe when you lose faith in yourself, you need someone to come along side you, to call your art what it is, to call your art beautiful, to understand it and appreciate it--and to help you come back around to that place where you can believe, create, and live again.
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