In What Way Does He Provide?

We spent the first hour or so in my feminism class last week introducing ourselves so that we could get a sense of who is in the class. Now, we sit in a circle so that we can have a better forum for discussion of all the crazy topics Diana introduces. Everyone had a turn, and, like the dork that I am, I took notes. "Eric: enjoys his beard because he prefers not to shave." And, "Caroline: climbed Kilimanjaro." You know, little snippets to remember each person by, because I've found that in discussion classes like this, it's nice to get to know each other by name. Dorky, but useful.

After my introduction, I cannot imagine what my tag line might have been (thankfully no one else seemed interested in writing things down). "Meredith: princess for kids' parties." Or maybe "Meredith: decided to go for more than an MRS degree after non-Christian high school boyfriend, though still plans to be a homemaker." Probably not that last one...it was a bit long. Anyway, I've now successfully pinned myself as the token Southern, Christian, conservative woman in the class, which makes me the go-to girl and voice of authority on my particular sub-culture.

So the topic arises, do any women actually get married hoping for a man to provide for them? I'm head-down, writing notes, but I raise my other hand anyways. I don't even have to look up to see that everyone is staring at me--the sound of their heads sharply turning to look my way was beyond audible. Diana is equally shocked: "I'm curious. In what way are you hoping he will provide for you?" For some reason I become awkwardly inarticulate. Well, it would be nice to have someone take care of me financially. Since the things I like to do don't always pay. But I guess that isn't really true--I mean, I'm doing fine right now on my own, making plenty of money working jobs that I enjoy. But I guess if I were married to someone and didn't have to work, then I could pursue my art more--have time to really devote to writing and such. So I don't really need someone, per say, financially...but I...

Thankfully someone cut me off and eventually the conversation went in a new direction. So it left me pondering for myself--am I really looking for someone to provide? And if so, what does that look like? I mean, if it's money I want, then shouldn't I call up the Hungarian? I'll probably end up married to a missionary or an artist like myself, and we'll both have to fight to make ends meet. I think it might make life more exciting if it turns out like that. Who wants to be comfortable? Where's the fun in that?

Which brings me to my next question: aside from the fact that, frankly, I would just like to be married and have someone to come home to, what overwhelming need does marriage really provide? Because I honestly don't need anything right now. There are plenty of things that would be nice that I don't necessarily have in bulk in my life, but when you boil it down, I'm doing ok.

Now, I've got to head back to my studies: the volumes of dense feminist propaganda, you know...that takes some intensive digestion even during the third round of re-reading. I still maintain my enthusiasm, though I haven't made up my mind to convert just yet (I still gotta make sure I'm allowed to keep Jesus, Thanksgiving, capitalism and so forth). It would be foolish for me to say that the class has changed my mind about wanting to be married, but it's actually giving me the kind of reality check that I think more Christian women (perhaps especially in the South) need--marriage isn't going to fulfill all of your dreams. Though lovely, I'm sure, marriage involves much more than bon bons and soap operas.