"She looked as though she took very seriously the direction on the back of various creams and powders to 'apply liberally..'"

While waiting to get my car back from the shop this morning (she's been out of commission since before Thanksgiving due to an unfortunate, not-my-fault, parking-garage accident), I picked up a smudged and wrinkled, clearly archaic issue of Cosmo. While perusing the usual fashion and relationship advice, I found a page-ish article about this "radical" guy who decided to follow the dating advice of a "very old source"--The Bible. Turns out, God had some pretty legit thoughts about how men and women ought to deal with each other. (Props to anyone who is able to find the article online...after wading through a whole lot of awkward essays--given I am at work right now--about sex positions, physical oddities, and other bedroom Q&A, I still couldn't come up with a link.) The writer basically pulls out a bunch of scriptural references and explains how they are relevant today. Huh...

Last night I listened to Shoreline's sermon archives in reverse. It was funny hearing Brian reference what he said "last week," only to listen to that message immediately following. I also cleaned out my closet and thrice clogged our new vacuum in an effort to detox the apartment. Admittedly, I was only half listening to the sermons, but since I had already heard most of them before, I'd like to think that the bits and pieces that stood out were the important points of each.

Behind me, one of my students asks our director, "If you don't shave...you're pretty hairy, right? For an Asian anyway..."

And it turns out that I've been wrong all these years when I use the term "per say" in my writing. It should actually read "per se." I was inadvertently corrected by a student, whilst she explained this common misconception to another. Wikipedia confirmed. I save face by not chiming in on their conversation.

Meanwhile, the college application race turns dirty. Student M can't remember the name of the professor with whom she studied 3 summers ago. Miss Per Se was in the same program, remembers, but won't cough up the info. Drama!!

*Sigh* Another day in the life of Meredith Teacher.

I'm counting down the last hour and a half of the workday. Like watching the sun set, everything moves too slow. I think about how much more of the Bible than those few snippets mentioned in Cosmo actually applies to my life, and I wish I made more time to actually read and internalize all of it.

To Find Out Where I Belong

Tonight you can see Mars. It's the closest to Earth right now than it will be for a really long time. Here in Tennessee, I think it already went behind the moon. But maybe where you're at, you'll be able to see the little red star before she hides for the night.

This morning we went to my aunt and uncle's church. It's a Missionary Baptist church which I think means that on top of not dancing and throwing really great pot-luck suppers, they also push the gospel pretty heavily (rather than discipleship or any other number of theological ideas). They also get really emotional and the preacher yells at you so that the message gets into your bones or your bloodstream or something. When I looked around I realized I was probably the only person my age who was still single. People in towns like this (or at least at small town churches) are kinda funny like that. Everybody wants to be with somebody so people pair off once they hit puberty because well...maybe they figure there won't be anyone else. So you look around at the five girls who've been in your Sunday School class over the years...pick the hottest one and try to win her. In some ways, I long for the simplicity of that lifestyle. For a minute my mind wanders as I think of marrying my high school sweetheart...as if I went to a school where everyone knows your Mama and any guy who can run makes the football team because they need to fill all the positions. And mine is the quarterback and I'm the head cheerleader because I had nothing better to do.

A lady three rows behind me snaps me to. She wants to request a song from the choir director and she starts to explain why. I'd never seen it before in real life...but I think she literally got "moved by the Spirit"--started whoopin and hollerin (these really are the only terms you can use to describe it) and spouting little bits of scripture about what Jesus has done for her. At first I got uncomfortable. Then I cried. I hope I turn into that kind of little old lady...just all sorts of in love with my Savior and sharing my joyful heart with all who want to hear.

I got home and took a nap because it made today feel like a real Sunday. Then I wrapped Christmas presents in Disney Princess wrapping paper that I found at Walmart. If we were in Lafayette with my grandparents instead of in Gallatin with my cousins, we would have run into someone my mom knows. Everybody who's anybody goes to the Walmart there. I think it's because the super-center put all the other stores out of business.

Tonight you can see Mars. Even in my cousin's telescope, it's still just a little dot. I wonder if my friends in California can see it. I wonder if any of them would go outside and look. I'm glad I'll go to bed alone tonight instead of with a washed up football captain. And as good as it is to be among family, I'm glad I have another one to head back to.

Why All Men Need a Good Men's Magazine

In a fit of procrastination (and because my mom sent me a frantic text message asking me for gift ideas for my two male cousins), I was on AskMen.com today looking at holiday gift ideas when I stumbled across this article: Top 10 Holiday Survival Tips for Singles.

Easily lured in by the possibility that girls are not the only ones who get sappy and depressed about being alone at Christmas, I bit. Arguably, the advice was pretty good whether you are a guy or girl--things like snagging some extra shifts at work to take advantage of the overtime cash or making a holiday resolution that you can reach before New Years. But what really struck me was number 8...

Be a dietary radical

Reject it all. Actively rebel. Yes, this is a direct suggestion: Go on a diet. This doesn’t mean you should picket eggnog. Rather, it means rejecting much of the crap that pops up in pounds around the holiday season. If this is too drastic for you, at the very least, consider eating in moderation. This is an important holiday survival tip for the single guy; nothing will contribute to feeling lonely or depressed like gaining weight and losing self-esteem.

Thank goodness for websites and magazines that are working to level out the standards of beauty for men and women. If I'm going to starve and sweat myself into the perfect girlfriend, so must the lucky schmuck who will finally land me.

Things Done, Things Said

Regarding her college application essays, Bonnie says, "You know what it is, Meredith? I think you're my muse..."

I'm looking forward to our apartment's Christmas party this weekend. I still have to figure out how to make gingerbread cookies and buy the necessary supplies. Kirstin says, "It's like our Christmas gift to all our friends. We invite them into our home and feed them nice desserts and drinks..."

One of my coworkers lent me a copy of Animal Farm because my students all read it earlier this year, and now in retrospect I think it would be good to know what it's about. I read half of it at the gym the other night and wasn't super impressed. Charles says, "It's a little thick to be reading while you're on the elliptical..."

My mom's 4th grade Christmas (er, "Holiday") Concert was on Monday. The school's new principal made an announcement about how incredible she is for pulling together such an impressive production and bragged on her skills as a music teacher. Mom says, "I've been complimented before, but never in front of that many people..."

My hair is darker than it ought to be and I need to buy just a few more Christmas presents before I'm done for the year. My sister gets in town next Saturday and I need a winter coat. I haven't listened to enough 'NSync Christmas this year, I think because I don't see Justine enough. Or maybe because I got the new Carrie Underwood CD that I played for a week straight. I'm at work and it's ugly outside and not cold enough for the sweater I wore today but I wore it anyway because I think it's pretty. There will be an ugly sweater contest at our church Christmas party, but I have a new dress to wear instead, even though it's strapless and I'll probably be cold. Then again, I live in LA and there isn't any snow. It doesn't feel like Christmas yet, probably since I am not taking finals or going on vacation or headed home. But maybe that's a good thing because I'm usually quite the Scrooge around this time of year. But lately, I feel loving. Every day when I get home I eat another piece of chocolate from my advent calendar and announce for all to hear...I say, "Jesus is coming..."

I would help, but...

There is nothing more entertaining than watching my boss (who speaks English, Chinese, and Spanish, but not Korean) try to help three small men move a refrigerator. The process seems to involve a make-shift dolly, electrical chords used as ropes, random sweaters as moving blankets, and shouting endless instructions in Korean. Meanwhile, I'm sitting at my desk looking slightly frightened and definitely confused, making awkward faces at Santiago, who clearly feels the same. Finally, something he can understand, "Santiago--pusheh..."

I think they just squashed Mr. Bae between the fridge and the wall...