To Find Out Where I Belong

Tonight you can see Mars. It's the closest to Earth right now than it will be for a really long time. Here in Tennessee, I think it already went behind the moon. But maybe where you're at, you'll be able to see the little red star before she hides for the night.

This morning we went to my aunt and uncle's church. It's a Missionary Baptist church which I think means that on top of not dancing and throwing really great pot-luck suppers, they also push the gospel pretty heavily (rather than discipleship or any other number of theological ideas). They also get really emotional and the preacher yells at you so that the message gets into your bones or your bloodstream or something. When I looked around I realized I was probably the only person my age who was still single. People in towns like this (or at least at small town churches) are kinda funny like that. Everybody wants to be with somebody so people pair off once they hit puberty because well...maybe they figure there won't be anyone else. So you look around at the five girls who've been in your Sunday School class over the years...pick the hottest one and try to win her. In some ways, I long for the simplicity of that lifestyle. For a minute my mind wanders as I think of marrying my high school sweetheart...as if I went to a school where everyone knows your Mama and any guy who can run makes the football team because they need to fill all the positions. And mine is the quarterback and I'm the head cheerleader because I had nothing better to do.

A lady three rows behind me snaps me to. She wants to request a song from the choir director and she starts to explain why. I'd never seen it before in real life...but I think she literally got "moved by the Spirit"--started whoopin and hollerin (these really are the only terms you can use to describe it) and spouting little bits of scripture about what Jesus has done for her. At first I got uncomfortable. Then I cried. I hope I turn into that kind of little old lady...just all sorts of in love with my Savior and sharing my joyful heart with all who want to hear.

I got home and took a nap because it made today feel like a real Sunday. Then I wrapped Christmas presents in Disney Princess wrapping paper that I found at Walmart. If we were in Lafayette with my grandparents instead of in Gallatin with my cousins, we would have run into someone my mom knows. Everybody who's anybody goes to the Walmart there. I think it's because the super-center put all the other stores out of business.

Tonight you can see Mars. Even in my cousin's telescope, it's still just a little dot. I wonder if my friends in California can see it. I wonder if any of them would go outside and look. I'm glad I'll go to bed alone tonight instead of with a washed up football captain. And as good as it is to be among family, I'm glad I have another one to head back to.