John Piper wants me to quit my job.

I just started reading the 1993 Christianity Today Book of the Year: Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood: A Response to Evangelical Feminism. (edited by John Piper and Wayne Grudem) I'm one chapter in and already feeling a little under the microscope. What are the proper aspirations of a Biblically-minded woman? Piper's introduction lays out a definition of what it means to be feminine** and expands upon how that affects a woman's day to day choices.

First the definition: "At the heart of mature femininity is a freeing disposition to affirm, receive and nurture strength and leadership from worthy men in ways appropriate to a woman's differing relationships."

Piper takes care to articulate himself--to explain what he means and does not mean by several of those hot-button words (like "lead" and "nurture" and "receive") that have taken on many skewed connotations over the years and amongst differing cultures. I would highly encourage you to pick up the book for yourself so that you get the full argument, as I am clearly glossing over many of his important points to get to the part that really struck me.

That being, a particular charge (number 11 of 15 in his conclusion) to women:

"That you not assume that secular employment is a greater challenge or a better use of your life than countless opportunities of service and witness in the home, the neighborhood, the community, the church, and the world; that you not only pose the question: career or full time home-maker? but that you ask just as seriously: full time career or freedom for ministry? That you ask: Which would be greater for the Kingdom--to work for someone who tells you what to do to make his or her business prosper, or to be God's free agent dreaming your own dream about how your time and your home and your creativity could make God's business prosper? And that in all this you make your choices not on the basis of secular trends or upward lifestyle expectations, but on the basis of what will strengthen the faith of the family and advance the cause of Christ."

Those who know me understand that I surely do not have a beef with the idea of staying home for an appropriate season to nurture and raise my children. Dropping my job because my small children need me to care for them would be more of a joy than a burden for someone whose greatest "career" goal always meant family anyways. But what I do want to reckon with is how my femininity should be expressed as a single, self-supporting woman during this chapter in my life. Certainly, I must hold a job so I can pay rent, and I understand the concept that my current job is also included within my mission and ministry here in LA. So while I'm clearly not considering to put in my two-weeks notice, as I continue to read and reevaluate my perception of God's calling for women, I want to allow that to inform my trajectory in life. What do I chase after? How do I hone the gifts and passions that God has instilled within me? How can I pursue biblical femininity in my current stage of singleness? And how might that change when I step into the next chapter of life?



**Piper also includes a lengthy description of masculinity, which for the purposes of my posting, I won't get into. But for the curious, he defines it as this: "At the heart of mature masculinity is a sense of benevolent responsibility to lead, provide for, and protect women in ways appropriate to a man's differing relationships."

The Country Music Theory

So you treat your love like a firefly, like it only gets to shine for a little while.
Catch it in a mason jar with holes in the top and run like hell to show it off...

Apparently I'm a words person. You can play a song with the most distinctive drum beat or melody line and until they start singing, I will likely not know what the name of the song is. Every now and again I can catch a certain artist's musical style, but mostly, without the lyrics, I'm lost.

I think this is why country music still captivates me--an especially poignant song will send me back. I caught fireflies in a mason jar, had watermelon seed spitting contests, sat in the tailgate of a boy's truck down by the river and went to every high school football game. Country music is like sweet tea or biscuits and gravy...it brings you home.

There's an especially kitchy song that came out a couple of years ago by Trace Adkins called "Songs About Me." As music goes, it's fairly standard, and since it had little to do with love, requited or otherwise, I always fell for me into the category of "change the radio station." Then a few weeks ago, while driving home one night, pondering the particulars of my music interest, the chorus unwittingly came to mind (here typed, for those of you not interested in braving the YouTube video linked above):

Cause it's songs about me
and who I am
songs about loving and living
and good hearted women and family and God
yeah they're all just
songs about me

Which really sums it up. Country music is songs about everyday America. For your home-grown types, the message rings much clearer than aspirations of "bling" or being "bootylicious" and fears of people "tryin to catch me ridin dirty." So even if I were to submit that Country tends to hit slightly below par when it comes to musicality, I'll remain a die hard fan because the songs tell the stories of my youth.

So, given the roots of my roots, it's no wonder I branched into musical softies like Joshua Radin or Damien Rice, why I'm fascinated with the lyrical wiles of Sara Bareilles or Jason Mraz (whose new cd is, by the way, amazing). It's the words they say, set to sound, that capture my attention. I cannot recall how many times a particular line or phrase in a song put a whole wealth of my feelings into words. It's the poetry I wish I could write, sung as I wish I could sing. Into certain cd's of mine are burned different eras of my life, and though the music may not relate to where I am now, I can listen, remember, and smile.

Out on a Limb

Scott, on his blog, linked to an article by John Piper in response to a recent "history-making" event in Minneapolis: the first girl wrestling in the state high-school competition. Like Scott, I'd encourage you to read the full article, but I wanted to expand on a particular part of it that struck me:

"When the apostle of Jesus tells us to live with our wives “in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel” (1Peter 3:7), he dumps a truckload of wisdom that fathers should build into their sons.

There is a way to honor a woman. That’s our job as men. This honor “understands” something. It understands that women are the “weaker vessel.” This has nothing to do with less personal worth and in many cases not even with physical stamina. It has to do with pervasive realities that shape the way healthy societies work.

It means that we should raise sons to think of themselves as protectors. Tell them they should lay their lives down to protect girls. Help them know that God designed them to grow up to be a picture of Jesus in their marriage. Nurture the instinct of a boy to fight for girls not against them."

His point is strong and Biblical. In the end, when he calls boys to respond to the situation by refusing to wrestle a woman on the grounds of "My parents have taught me not to touch a girl that way. I think it would dishonor her," my heart warmed. Yes. Teach our men this, I nearly verbalize. And then...I miss the old south, the attitude of a southern gentleman, a certain genteel way of behavior that even in Texas, is starting to culturally slip away.

As women, we hem and haw about how we "deserve" to be treated such and such a way. We demand understanding when we are emotional and respect as the "fairer sex." Biblcially, men do have a high calling when it comes to how they are asked to treat women--to love them as Christ loved the church, who died and gave Himself up for her. (Though some may argue that this is only a mandate for how a husband must love his wife, it is unreasonable to imagine that a man will simply be able to flip a switch at the altar, but should rather be encouraged to develop the kind of perspective and patterns that he will need to practice in marriage.) All the while, women must not be so concerned with men's success or failure in this area that we overlook our own responsibility. While the article addresses how fathers can encourage their sons to handle this type of situation in a godly manner, women must also take responsibility for their scripturally mandated behavior. Part of encouraging men to treat women as the "weaker vessel," requires women to accept that label as part of our identity. We cannot simultaneously demand to be treated gently while claiming that we can take a hit. At best, it's confusing. Men are supposed to be aggressive with us in school, in business, on the wrestling mat...but not when it comes to relationships or sex or anytime that we just don't feel like being treated that way. Worst case, we're dappling in heresy. Nearly every verse in the Bible that talks about how men should treat women is paired with a passage about how women should respond to their men:

"Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything...However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."

Ephesians 5:22-24, 33 (in context)

"Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord."

Colossians 3:18 (in context)

"Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives."

1 Peter 3:1-2 (in context)

I realize that years of having these verses held against us, of having submission forced upon us, can make it difficult for a woman to see submission (defined here as an attitude of respect and honor that often leads to obedience) as a joy. And thus, many in our culture have rejected this idea. Just like Eve, we sought to take the reins. In more recent years, this has snowballed very quickly into men gladly giving up control...along with any notion of honoring or respecting the women who socially beat them down. We're in a tough spot, because on one hand, men must (because the Bible says to) treat women in a gentle and understanding way, and on the other, women should learn and practice the kind of respect and honor for men that they will one day offer to their husband. Though neither side's failure should be an excuse for the other to renege on their end of the bargain, it does become difficult to break out of the downward spiral. How do you respect someone who treats you unkindly? How do you offer gentleness to someone who constantly disrespects you?

Men...women...who's gonna go first?