Out on a Limb

Scott, on his blog, linked to an article by John Piper in response to a recent "history-making" event in Minneapolis: the first girl wrestling in the state high-school competition. Like Scott, I'd encourage you to read the full article, but I wanted to expand on a particular part of it that struck me:

"When the apostle of Jesus tells us to live with our wives “in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel” (1Peter 3:7), he dumps a truckload of wisdom that fathers should build into their sons.

There is a way to honor a woman. That’s our job as men. This honor “understands” something. It understands that women are the “weaker vessel.” This has nothing to do with less personal worth and in many cases not even with physical stamina. It has to do with pervasive realities that shape the way healthy societies work.

It means that we should raise sons to think of themselves as protectors. Tell them they should lay their lives down to protect girls. Help them know that God designed them to grow up to be a picture of Jesus in their marriage. Nurture the instinct of a boy to fight for girls not against them."

His point is strong and Biblical. In the end, when he calls boys to respond to the situation by refusing to wrestle a woman on the grounds of "My parents have taught me not to touch a girl that way. I think it would dishonor her," my heart warmed. Yes. Teach our men this, I nearly verbalize. And then...I miss the old south, the attitude of a southern gentleman, a certain genteel way of behavior that even in Texas, is starting to culturally slip away.

As women, we hem and haw about how we "deserve" to be treated such and such a way. We demand understanding when we are emotional and respect as the "fairer sex." Biblcially, men do have a high calling when it comes to how they are asked to treat women--to love them as Christ loved the church, who died and gave Himself up for her. (Though some may argue that this is only a mandate for how a husband must love his wife, it is unreasonable to imagine that a man will simply be able to flip a switch at the altar, but should rather be encouraged to develop the kind of perspective and patterns that he will need to practice in marriage.) All the while, women must not be so concerned with men's success or failure in this area that we overlook our own responsibility. While the article addresses how fathers can encourage their sons to handle this type of situation in a godly manner, women must also take responsibility for their scripturally mandated behavior. Part of encouraging men to treat women as the "weaker vessel," requires women to accept that label as part of our identity. We cannot simultaneously demand to be treated gently while claiming that we can take a hit. At best, it's confusing. Men are supposed to be aggressive with us in school, in business, on the wrestling mat...but not when it comes to relationships or sex or anytime that we just don't feel like being treated that way. Worst case, we're dappling in heresy. Nearly every verse in the Bible that talks about how men should treat women is paired with a passage about how women should respond to their men:

"Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything...However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."

Ephesians 5:22-24, 33 (in context)

"Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord."

Colossians 3:18 (in context)

"Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives."

1 Peter 3:1-2 (in context)

I realize that years of having these verses held against us, of having submission forced upon us, can make it difficult for a woman to see submission (defined here as an attitude of respect and honor that often leads to obedience) as a joy. And thus, many in our culture have rejected this idea. Just like Eve, we sought to take the reins. In more recent years, this has snowballed very quickly into men gladly giving up control...along with any notion of honoring or respecting the women who socially beat them down. We're in a tough spot, because on one hand, men must (because the Bible says to) treat women in a gentle and understanding way, and on the other, women should learn and practice the kind of respect and honor for men that they will one day offer to their husband. Though neither side's failure should be an excuse for the other to renege on their end of the bargain, it does become difficult to break out of the downward spiral. How do you respect someone who treats you unkindly? How do you offer gentleness to someone who constantly disrespects you?

Men...women...who's gonna go first?