Congrats Neil :)

Congratulations to my brother, Neil, on his graduation and (*Mere lets out a squeal of excitement*) ENGAGEMENT! His fiancee Christina is so fabulous and it is wonderful to see the two of them together. He totally deserves someone so awesome.

Not much philisophical today...we spent a few days in Florida to see Neil, Christina, and her parents (graduation, engagement, and such). Tomorrow I head to Tennessee to visit my grandparents. Not so much looking forward to the 15 hour road trip, but perhaps my mom and I will have some good chat time or something. I'm enjoying being home, although I do miss Cali and all my friends there...church, Bible study, not so much school...but whatever. Still kind of paranoid about finding out my grades from this semester. Should have gone to class more...

Love to all of you and blessings for a very Merry Christmas :)

Some Inspiration

"We tend to forget that our real gift is not so much what we can do, but who we are. The real question is not 'what can we offer each other?' but 'who can we be for each other?'."
--Henri Nouwen

This quote is currently hanging above my computer as a daily reminder that my focus should not be on the doing, but on the being. I am God's child.

Loved.

Redeemed.

Accepted.

Purified.

Safe.

How I respond to situations and the kinds of choices I make are a direct reflection of the values and focus in my life. So if I set that part strait, then I don't have to worry about all the life-decisions that tend to make us crazy.

Have you ever noticed that no one ever asks you, "what do you want to do when you grow up?" The question is usually phrased: "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

I want to be God's.

And I already am.

Some More on That Last One

First off...awesome comments. I love that people really read this :)

I guess I should clarify--I realize now that it's quite a beautiful thing that no other person will ever know me as intimately as God does, and I prefer it that way because if another person could actually live up to God in that way, logic would suggest that I would no longer need God. But that doesn't happen. People will always fall short, but God never does.

And on the other side of things, as pessimistic as I can be sometimes about relationships, I could name off at least five (if not more) guys that I think are absolutely incredible and I would date in an instant if they were interested. For now, I'm just waiting on the Lord's soveriegnty in that area of my life. And it really is great to have those kinds of guys as good friends for now. Of course, I do want to get married one day...but I'm ok where God has me right now. I'm learning in all things to be content...

:)

The Value of Being Alone

My Senior year of High School, we studied different acting methods during my theatre class--one of which basically said that all the emotional work actors usually do is crap, and all you should do is get on stage and just do the script--say what you're supposed to say and move like it says to move. I'm not sure exactly how this part tied in (we can all see how important I felt this method was), but part of the theory was about how in life we are never really connected to other people. I distinctly remember hearing Mr. Will say, "No matter how close you are to another person, they will never really know you." For a bunch of hormonal teenagers who were already full-fledged emo, it was a pretty intense statement that gave us all adequate motivation to wear all black the next day. Is that really true? Will I really go through life without anyone actually, genuinely knowing me? For most of those kids, that was a hard-to-swallow, harsh reality, but even as emo as I was my Senior year, I knew better. I knew that for me...it was always going to be ok, because even if no one on this earth could really know me to the deepest core, at least God could.

I'm seeing this theme resurface in my life...especially lately. I know I said just two blogs ago that I was giving up on talking about boys, but here we go again. Honestly, what do you expect? I'm a 19-year-old Southern girl who was socially conditioned to believe that I should be married in exactly two and a half years. Time is ticking...on a clock, I might add, that I believe I fed to a crocodile some time ago. (Captain Hook...anyone? ok...I tried.) Anyways, so here I am this naive little Texan dropped into a city that I don't really understand or fit into. And my head and my heart...and pretty much anyone else I talk to...are all telling me different things--conflicting with each other, conflicting with themselves. And I've done the dating thing and I've done the crush-on-a-guy-you-know-you-can't-get thing and a whole lot of other things that seemed like good ideas at the time. But all these things are never enough. They never have been and reason tells me, they never will.

So I come home one night and have this beautiful moment of clarity (which tends to happen every so often at the most bizarre hours): maybe I'm just one of those people who's meant to be alone forever. And this is one of those rare moments where that actually feels ok. I mean, one of my genuinely biggest fears has been the thought that I would graduate college not engaged. Where do I get crap like that? But in that moment I fully felt like God was enough. Really, it was so much more than that. Like if I had to chose one or the other, I really would prefer to have God than a man in my life. Which of course is the church answer that everyone is supposed to give--but I honestly could say it. Church-mask down, I really meant it. And that's kind of where I've been lately. God is so much more consoling and comforting than any man has ever been in my life. He's at my deepest core. I hear this at church all the time--God is all you need. He is enough. And I'm not sure why it is that I have such trouble really believing it. I mean...I've experienced it in my own life over and over. But right now I really feel like God is teaching me how wonderful it is to sit alone with Him. There's this Matt Wertz Song that puts is so beautifully. Here's a part of it...

6th and green is a warm place in November
When the air is cold and the leaves blow on the ground
And I don't think that I can even remember
Why it was that I came to this town.

Because I just want to be lonely tonight
Just me and my maker in this cold moonlight
I just want to be lonely tonight
With no one around to see the sight
Of me lying here

'Cause this is the hardest thing I've ever done before
I said this is the hardest thing I've ever done before
And I don't want to be lonely
But I won't be lonely tonight
Because my maker's holding me

I guess I sort of feel this way. Alone can be a really nice place. Because God is good. And despite all the crap--the stuff that happens that you wish wouldn't and the stuff you keep wishing for that just won't--He loves me. He really loves me.

Just me and my Maker...doing this life thing, for better or worse, till death do us more fully unite.

Getting away from the selfish

Sometimes the most wonderful thing in the world is to encourage someone else. I've noticed in a lot of my relationships, I'm the one with the issues and the drama that someone else is taking care of. Which, I'm not gonna lie...I kind of like. But there is truly nothing more wonderful than knowing that I was able to love and encourage someone else. There is so much inside of me that I want to share...especially when it comes to God. I have this love and this faith in me that you really can't explain--these God-moments that I wish I knew how to bottle so everyone could have a taste. It's like this intense reality...this moment of really understanding at a deep soul/heart/mind level that something I've read all my life in the Bible really is true. When I get a chance to share some kind of encouragement from the truth in God's Word it's really beautiful. A lot of people get up in arms when you try to "convert" them...but it's not like that. I know the reality of the God I worship. And it's something I love to share with people. I get like...God-giddy. Because what I feel and what I believe is so wonderful that I want other people to know and feel it too. Christian and non-Christian alike--I wish I was better able to explain it or portray it, but there's not an earthy way to do it.

There is a Fountain
Who is the King
Victorious Warrior
And Lord of everything
My Rock, my Shelter
My very Own
Blessed Redeemer
Who reigns upon the throne

Who can satisfy my soul like you? Who on earth could comfort me and love me like you do?

The Votes Are In...

Ok...so after taking a tally on the last blog (including some conversational commentary from a few people who I brought up the idea with) I'd have to say the results are inconclusive.

Men and Women are inconclusive.

Yeah...I don't think that sentence is quite grammatical or I used the word wrong there or something....I was technically going for dramatic effect, but I probably blew it on that one. Must make a note to brush up my writing skills. Apparently Writing 140 didn't do much for me...

Anyway, some things I think we can all agree on: we all play way too many games. Men have an uber rejection-complex, and they can't tell what we mean or what we are thinking or why we...(fill in the blank with basically any verb you like). And women can't figure out why we are so difficult to figure out. I mean, I think we are pretty easy to understand. Well I take that back, I think I am pretty easy to understand...yeah...who am I kidding...? I don't even understand me...so I really shouldn't expect a guy to. I kind of go back and forth on this topic. Some days I feel like I am blantantly obvious on how I feel and such, and other days I do weird stuff like cry for no reason. This probably contributes even more to male confusion. So how about this for a thesis statement--some days women are easy to understand. You just have to catch us on the right day. And if fates all align just perfectly, you might happen to ask out just the right girl at just the right time and wind up happily ever after. Encouraging? Maybe not...but at least we can all come to the happy (or irritating and obnoxious) conclusion that they won't ever get us and we won't ever get them. Now this fact, once conceded, allows us all to open up lines of communication. Though sometimes I wish I was ballsy enough to post somewhere exactly how I feel about each of the guys I know, I like to pretend my coyness has something to do with that whole "it's the guys' job to pursue" mentality. But I would also like to think that if anyone ever asked me strait up how I felt about them, or how I felt about anything really, I'd be honest about it. After all the drama I've been through in life, I've finally come to a place where I feel like I can pretty much be open about how I feel. (knock on wood) So I guess my advice on the whole guy/girl thing is, if you don't get it--ask. If you feel like asking is too scary, make one of your friends ask a friend of her friend's cousin. Sure you'll feel like you're back in Junior High, but if you want to know that badly, there are always ways to find things out.

And with that, I am going to conclude my rant on boys...for tonight and for a good while hence. I think the over-analyzing is starting to contribute to the problem. I'm going on another fast from talking about boys. I did this several weeks ago and it was really effective in reminding me to chill out, take things a day at a time, and rest in knowing that what happens happens. So for the next indeterminate amount of time, I'm not going to talk about boys or relationships (with regard to myself...I still want to know the dirt on everyone else...hey, I'm nosy...). Someone hold me to this...please?

Are Guys Really as Stupid as We Give Them Credit For?

Today I pose the question--are guys really as stupid as we give them credit for? I'm working on a new theory about boys, and here's kind of how it goes:

A common discussion among girls is how unbelievably ignorant guys can be about a girl liking them. For those of us with the perhaps more old-school mindset that the guy should be the one to pursue in a relationship, this can be very frustrating. It means we have to be all sneaky about letting them know we are interested, in hopes that they will ask us out...and there's only so much a girl can do to show interest without just flat out saying, "Hey, I like you." I, personally, have trouble believing that a guy wouldn't be able to tell that I am interested in him--in the same way that I can tell that another girl I meet thinks that I'm cool, I feel like it should be easy for a guy to tell that a girl thinks he's cool. Obviously, it's not quite as easy to tell if a girl considers you a marriage prospect just by how she acts around you--but at least at a basic level, you know whether or not you repulse her. Now, if dating is just about getting to know a person better whom you find interesting (I know this is debatable, but for the sake of this argument, we will consider it a premise), then basic intrigue should be all that is required in order to initiate. Herein lies the problem. I don't think guys are oblivious to whether or not a girl seems intrigued, interested, or whatever. I think men are perfectly capable of judging basic human inclinations. What they lack are the guts to act on them. So it's not that a guy can't tell that a girl thinks he's cool--it's just that he wants a more definitive confirmation that if he puts himself out there, she's not going to utterly reject and humiliate him. It's not that he can't tell that you like him...he's either "just not that into you" or he doesn't have the guts to do anything about it.

In order to clear up any confusion--I don't intend to come across as a man-hater, because I'm not (although some days, I border on it). I realize that it takes a lot for a guy to have the courage to ask a girl out--there's the whole pride/ego thing and when emotions get involved, there really is a lot at stake and I don't want to demean that. But I don't buy the idea that guys just can't tell that you are interested. Unless you are 25 and still playing the "I avoid the guy I'm into like the plague" game there are basic, human ways of indicating interest. And if a girl is showing interest in a normal way, then it's not the guy's stupidity that's preventing them from getting together--there's something else. You aren't going to know whether or not that girl is romantically interested unless you do something about it--so shy of her saying, "I think I want to have your children and grow old with you," there might be a little work required on your part to see if the relationship will go anywhere (provided she's the type like me who expects the guy to make the first move). At this point you evaluate--is it worth the risk? Are you interested in advancing the relationship enough to risk rejection?

So--this is the new boy theory I'm throwing out there, all summed up: the idea that a guy can't tell whether or not a girl likes him is a shabby excuse for not having the courage to ask a girl out.

Here's where I'd really like some opinions. Perhaps I'm totally out in left field here--are we girls really that hard to read? I mean...I can see it when we are in Junior High, but by college we should have matured enough to act like normal human beings around each other. Am I wrong? I feel like sometimes we are pressured in to acting as if we don't know someone likes us, as if admitting that would make us prideful or something--so we pretend not to notice. But come on--I can usually tell if a guy likes me. Granted, there's no way for me to know if he's going to act on that or not...but I can still tell, at least on a basic level, he kind of digs me. I guess if I find it fairly easy to tell, then I don't buy that no one else seems to notice as well.

Intimacy and Blogging

So this is a topic I've been mulling over the last couple of days--especially after all the jokes about Rhett and his blogging conference. I kind of wanted to write about it last night, but I opted to finish my midterm take-home essays first, then a friend of mine left me a message about my blog on IM, saying...

"is it weird knowing that people could get to know you, on a somewhat intimate level I might add, without you getting to know them at all?"

Yes. It is weird. But I think what makes the difference is that I don't feel like I'm being very personal on here. Most of the things I blog about are God-topics...which, even when they are kind of personal, I don't really mind throwing out there. I have this theory...when it comes to talking about God, I'd rather go ahead and share really personal stuff, if it means that it will somehow help someone else out. I have very few secrets--I'm usually more than willing to tell people exactly how I feel about things, if they only ask. But blogging about God, and even certain topics, to me, just doesn't really feel intimate. There are lots of subjects that I'm not going to rant about because I'm not especially fond of airing dirty laundry. Some things just shouldn't go published for all to see. And I think those are the kinds of things that people have to ask me about personally in order to really know.

That being said, I kind of hate that the things I write don't usually generate conversation. Even if/when people leave comments...it is still rather impersonal, and I don't particularly like that aspect of writing on here. Though there is a certain release that comes from getting my thoughts down. I really love to journal, but even when I write in my journal (which is supposed to be personal), I write as if some day someone will read what I have to say. I guess I always thought it would be something cool to share with my husband someday...though as time has passed, there are more and more bits that I don't particularly want to share with anyone. But I don't use this blog as a journal--so instead of chronicling what I've been up to, it more or less allows me to discuss life theories (because I seem to be coming up with new ones all the time) or comment on things I notice. And in that way, it allows me to put my ideas out there--which really aren't so much personal.

Again, I don't really feel like that was very coherent. Basically, I love to write out random stuff on here, as my mind is always churning on some new topic or I have some sort of experience with God that I can't help but share with anyone who will listen (PS--God is totally awesome). So maybe it's dorky...and it's probably just one more way that modern technology keeps us from having to have real conversations and connections with other humans...but I plan to keep it up anyways. Hopefully these ideas and conversations will go further than the computer screen and start real connections with people.

And if you're stalking me...learning all sorts of random secrets about me without me actually knowing you...then seriously, quit being creepy. Come talk to me. I'm more interesting in person anyway.

The Fabulous Girls of SC at Fall Retreat

We definitely made an awesome showing this year at retreat, and from experiencing Dena's first smore (granted, it was sort of fake--we had to use the microwave to make them) to getting a play by play of the Notre Dame game from Inge's sister on her cell, it was for sure a success and a great time of bonding with each other and with all the Quest-ers. I wish we could have all gone.

This weekend was especially good for me, as it came right between my two weeks of midterms. (I'm currently procrastinating on studying for my next one and finishing the take-home essays for today's...are we surprised?) It was such an excellent time of rest and fellowship. As the passage for the weekend came from John 15, I really got to experience abiding in Christ in a real way...few distractions and the solitude of nature. Here are my personal highlights...

*I met this guy named Grant who definitely went to Texas A&M, so we had this great College Station moment talking about places we liked to go. It was sort of dorky--yet way cool.

*There really is nothing like gloating about our AMAZING last-second victory in front of a bunch of Bruins...

*It snowed on Sunday, which was unbelievably cold, especially for little retard-me who didn't really pack for winter-esque weather. But I sucked it up and danced around in the falling flakes anyway.

*On a more God-level, I really enjoyed our small group time, especially the last time we met. We each shared a way in which we could testify personally to God working in our lives--this could probably warrant a new entry, but I'll just sum mine up in this one anyway...
For those that have heard my testimony, I've been through all sorts of crazy and gross drama--most everything you can think of, short of major drug addiction and jail time. But when I look at my life, those things don't really stand out as prominently as the fact that God has been so good to me. No matter what kinds of things I go through, God has constantly and consistently blessed me. He's there when it gets hard, and He is always surprising me with things I don't deserve: opportunities, material things, friends, and so on. So in all the yuck, I can still firmly stand on the truth that God is good. I hate my body and all the issues that come with it...but God is good. I hate how guys have treated me in the past...but God is so good. It's a peace and joy that I really wish I could pass on to other people.

*Saturday night's talk was really cool as well. At the end Lyndsey started setting up chairs and bowls of water, and, after being at Bel Air for a year now, I knew what was coming. I've done feet-washings a couple of times in my life...it's always a really bizarre experience. When Rhett got done talking, they invited the Bible study leaders and servant team up first, then we were given the opportunity to turn around and wash the others' feet. Something you have to understand about me in order to really get this--I HATE feet. That's only mostly true, I hate most feet. I think my feet are kind of cute. (I don't know if this makes me vain or just plain weird) But most feet I think are just gross or weird looking or some other negatively connotated term. However, when it comes to washing other people's feet, my personal biases go completely out the window. The idea of serving someone in such an intimate way is soo cool to me. I hate the idea of someone washing my feet (cute or not), but I don't mind serving someone else. But I knew that I had to humble myself to get my feet washed before I could wash someone else. It was awkward and uncomfortable, but it really gave me some insight into how the disciples must have felt when Jesus washed their feet. I felt really weird having Lyndsey (my Bible study leader and the women's intern at Quest) wash my feet just because I still kind of see her as my superior--but seriously, what would it have been like to have God Himself humbled at your feet, washing them--especially if you have uber-nasty feet like the disciples who walked everywhere in sandals. Whoa. I might have had a hernia. Who am I that the Creator of the universe would humble Himself to serve me...to die for me?

*Finally, the best God-moment was Saturday morning when we were all given the "assignment" to go off alone for 45 minutes with God. I found a big rock that sat high above part of a trail and looked out to the trees and mountain skyline. Wrapped up in my Mexican blanket, I let the strong winds blow the hair around my face--it was all a bit transcendent and so beautiful. The wind kept ripping through the trees in gusts and it reminded me of this passage:
1 Kings 19:11-12--"Then He said, 'Go out, and stand on the mountain before the Lord.' And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore into the mountains and broke the rocks in pieces before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice..."
So I sat there for a while, pondering the command, "Be still, and know that I am God," and listening for a still small voice. After living for a year in the middle of South Central Los Angeles, I have learned to appreciate nature in a very real sense. As I sat admiring the beauty of God's creation--I heard it. That still small voice. It wasn't audible, but it was very real. You know that voice inside your head that most people call their conscience? I think that's exactly how the Holy Spirit speaks to Christians. Well that voice, which I firmly believe is God's Spirit within me, said very clearly, "Meredith, if you think My creation is beautiful, imagine how beautiful I am." I totally got chills. I can't even imagine what it will be like to look on the face of God. Crazy.

Overall, lots of laughter and tears (it's not a good retreat unless somebody cries...), pictures, and memories that will last forever.

And with that ridiculously cheesy last line, I'm done for the night.

A New Delicacy

Peanut butter on a caramel rice cake. Enough said.

Am I really making life analogies about hair products...?

So yesterday while I was dying my hair (back to dark brown) I had a dramatic epiphany about my life. It was time to rinse and I stepped in the shower, and casually noticed my corner of shampoo, conditioners, body wash and so on. Right now, I'm in transition of shampoo and conditioner...I'm finishing off the last of the VO5 shampoo (conditioner is already gone...I go through it faster) and have already started on the new bottle of Fructis conditioner. I basically get a different kind of shampoo and conditioner each time I go to the store...depending on if something is on sale, if I have a coupon...or if it just seems to look particularly nice that day. This is when it hits me...I've discovered why I can't seem to commit to a real relationship with a guy...why my life always seems full of boy drama that never seems to actually go anywhere but in circles. I can't even commit to a shampoo. Or a haircolor for that matter. I like change. I like to try new things. I get bored and move on to another brand, another color, another anything.

This is a bad strategy to have with boys.

"Trying on" a lot of different guys like so many pairs of shoes is generally frowned upon in Christian circles, and since that is the pool from which I would prefer to date, this leaves me relatively up a creek. And it's not that I don't intend to buy a pair eventually...it's just that they are always a little too tall or short...not quite the perfect color...straps are just a bit wide or thin--something is always just enough off that I don't really want them. So I keep trying on different ones. I finish off the bottle of one brand of shampoo and move on to the next one that looks interesting. It's like some sort of sick cycle.

So it's at this moment, when I start to feel relatively emo, that all of a sudden I see a light at the end of the tunnel: my hair gel. Fructis Style Curl Shaping Spray Gel, to be exact. I discovered this stuff some time last year, and we totally clicked. It works exactly like I want it to whenever I am scrunching my hair. We meshed. We bonded. And now I don't buy any other product. Even though I have an occasional bad hair day with the stuff, I am still 100% committed to FSCSSG. We are living happily ever after.

All that to say, I am now confident that I do not have commitment issues. I just haven't found the right shampoo yet.

Or hair color.

...or boy.

But I suppose I don't mind much. I think hair gel is a good start.

Late, Late Night Thoughts on Art...

It's 5:30 am right now and I haven't gone to sleep yet. Was working on costume stuff for Shape. Kind of reminds me of high school--all those late nights finishing stuff uber late for the costume deadline the next morning. Mr. Will and Michelle used to get mad at me for stuff like that, but I hated to miss deadlines. Sometimes you do what you gotta do...right?

So at this point, I'm debating sleeping at all. I need to get up in an hour and a half anyways, and I think going on the adrenaline rush I've got going now will be more productive than sleeping only an hour. However, I don't know what I will do to fill the time. Then I'm pretty sure I'll get really bored during practice and fall asleep, which I'd prefer not to do. Lots of caffeine? One of these days my body is just going to give up on me. I should make an effort to get more sleep.

So my profound thought for the evening is what it means to be an artist. Not going to go into detail about what sparked this topic, but I've been thinking...one of the things I've always been adament about is having a broad definition of art. Some say that art is that which is appreciated. I would have to agree--but the appreciation doesn't necessarily have to come from a 3rd party. If you create art and you are the only one who finds it artistic...then it is still art, because it is art for you. It makes you feel something, it's your expression and you appreciate it for what it means to you, even if you are the only one who really understands it. This makes sense, yes, because honestly, how often to people really get art exactly in the way that the artist intended? Anyways...my new question is, what if the artist ceases to appreciate his own work? What if you get to a point in life where you quit thinking of yourself as an artist--you consider all your previous work to be false pretenses that someone finally saw through. Now you renounce yourself as an artist. What happens to your work? Is it really, therefore, not "art" since you have declared it not to be so? Maybe when you lose faith in yourself, you need someone to come along side you, to call your art what it is, to call your art beautiful, to understand it and appreciate it--and to help you come back around to that place where you can believe, create, and live again.

One more thing...

Just a random shoutout to the boys of AGO (brothers!! :) ) for Tues night worship. Tonight was especially cool because it was all hymns. I don't think I've been to worship that was all hymns in a really long time, so it was really refreshing. Several times, I found myself quit singing--just saying the words of the song as I listened to everyone else lifting their voices to the Lord. Seriously, these hymns are such beautiful poetry and they capture some of the most amazing truths about God. Just saying those words out loud felt so powerful....I dunno...I mean, I for sure love worship with a full band, real contemporary, but there is something really magical about those old hymns. Pop songs go out of style eventually, but the words to I Surrender All will always be poignant. I know that the church has an up and down history, but some of these songwriters really hit the nail on the head.

On a similar note (how this is actually related will eventually make sense...read on....), I'm starting to understand why we do congregational readings in the Presbyterian church. At first, I was weirded out by it--then it seemed ok, even nice, to read passages from the Bible out loud with the rest of the church body. But it's taken me this long to understand why we read random statements, confessions, prayers and such of old dead guys I hardly know about. Because some of these dead guys really knew their stuff--their prayers are beautiful. Not that we should glorify their words, but often their words are glorifying to the Lord. And, frankly, sometimes I forget how to really pray. It often goes something like this: "Uhh...thanks God for this day. And for my friends...and my family who love me...um...please be with (fill in the blank with random people whose requests I'm reading off my prayer list). I pray that you would help me...(another fill in the blank)." Really boring. And it kind of misses the memo. Like...God is huge. No really...and I forget that sometimes which is really dumb. But these prayers that we sometimes read at church provide such great reminders of how to praise God in all his attributes and glory...how to really be thankful for what he has done in my life. I still don't like the awkward monotone way that everyone repeats what's on the screen...but I love the words we are repeating. The same goes for old hymns. Yeah, the style is a bit outdated...and I've never been a huge fan of a full-fledged choir...but the words. The words speak volumes. I'm not the most articulate person...and I often find myself at a loss of what to say when I pray and when I try to worship the Lord. I don't know how to praise him properly, but these songs seem to nail it.

So if you're reading this and you haven't listened to any hymns lately, look some up...and really meditate on the words. My favorites are Amazing Grace, How Great Thou Art, and It is Well. Basically...God rocks.

Fight on.

Perspective of Peace

So it's two in the morning...and I'm pretty much wide awake, so I figured I'd be productive and go ahead and post tonight's notes so people can look at them :) So here's all the nitty-gritty...word for word as it was in my notes.

PS--I love my girls. Discussion totally rocked tonight!


Perspective of Peace…

Announcements:
*Women’s Night: Oct 4, 8-10. Rides?
*Big Bear: application and money due a week from Fri; I have scholarship forms.
*Rides for tomorrow (I can’t go…again…I hate this show.)
*Memory verse?

Recap of our Perspectives Study:
*Gospel—share it
*Unity—cultivate it
*Humility—practice it
*Priority—establish it
*It would be really easy to let all of these perspectives stress us out—we need to live like this and make time for that…I’m not godly enough…I constantly fail. But these aren’t the types of thoughts God wants for us. The Holy Spirit will bring us conviction about things, but only Satan tempts us to wallow in guilt. This is where the idea of peace comes into play. We won’t be perfect. That’s ok.
*So much in life causes us stress and anxiety, but we should learn to make peace a priority in life. When we are constantly worried about how we look, what others think of us, how we are doing in school, the fight we just got into with our roommate, and so on, it’s easy to get caught up in those things and forget about God. When I have panic attacks, it’s usually because I let all the little details of all the stressors in my life pile up and freak me out all at once, but it doesn’t have to be that way. I can learn to let go of those things and allow God to give me peace.
*A proposed thesis: If we are at peace with our surroundings, with life, we will find a deeper joy and God can more readily use us to accomplish His will.

Initial thoughts:
*Who should we be at peace with?
God, friends, enemies, yourself…
*And what are we at peace about?
Circumstances in life, body image, relationships (romantic and friendship)
*So now how do we do that? To the passage…

Philippians 4:2-9
“I entreat Euodia and I entreat Syntyche to agree in the Lord. Yes, I ask you also, true companion, help these women, who have labored side by side with me in the gospel together with Clement and the rest of my fellow workers, whose names are in the book of life.
“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.”

Observations:
*calls out two women who are having a disagreement
*asks others to encourage them
*all the people he mentions are Christians
*2x tells us to rejoice
*Calls us to have a reputation of reasonableness
*Mentions the urgency of Christ coming again
*Opposite to anxiety is “prayer and supplication with thanksgiving”
*Encourages us to tell our requests to God
*Promises peace if we do the abovementioned
*God’s peace is beyond our understanding
*God’s peace is a guard to our minds and hearts
*God’s peace comes through Jesus
*Meditate on the good things, not the bad
*Revamping our thoughts is the first step to achieving peace
*Calls them to practice the things he does
*Practicing Godliness brings peace

Some questions to get the observations flowing:
*What’s with these two women?
Christians in the Philippian church
Probably having a fairly public disagreement (this would look bad reputationally and cause all sorts of uproar)
Asks the other church-members to help in resolving the conflict
*Describe the pathway to peace from vs. 6-9
don’t be anxious (conscious choice)
gives us something to do in place of being anxious: make requests known to God
requests should come from a heart of thanksgiving through prayer and supplication
meditate on things that are true, noble, just, pure, lovely and of good report
follow Paul’s example
*What does the peace of God guard our hearts and minds from?
Sin, Satan, negative attitudes and actions…
*What does it mean to dwell/think/meditate on the things mentioned? How does that look practically?
Spending time in prayer and reading the Word
Rejecting negative thoughts (kind of like “power of positive thinking” only less cheesy and self-help-group-esque)
**What are some negative thoughts that you repeatedly think that you can make a point to reject?
I have a really bad habit of stressing over boys, so one of the things I really want to work on this week is every time I start overanalyzing some boy situation or stressing over loneliness, I want to make a conscious effort to put those thoughts from my mind.
Putting yourself down—physically, intellectually, or spiritually
Thinking negatively about others (we’re girls, let’s be honest…it’s easier to trash the pretty girl who gets lots of attention than try to be her friend)

“Prescription for Peace” –courtesy of Zack Nigliazzo
*Focus on the Lord
Why? When our heart is in the right place and our focus is on God, the other issues of life fall in line. Theory: that breakup doesn’t hurt so bad when you are focused on God’s amazing love for you and that Midterm isn’t so hard when you think of Christ on the Cross.
How? Prayer, meditation, reading the Word, worship in song, etc.
*Practice gentleness
Helps you to be reconciled to your brothers and sisters—resolving conflicts in love.
Prevents offending or hurting others’ feelings
*Gain eternal perspective
Remember that even the big things aren’t so big when compared to the grand scheme of things in God’s will.
*Count your blessings
An appreciative attitude is generally a positive one…

Greek, for the curious:
*eijrhvnh, pronounced “i-ray’-nay”
a state of national tranquillity
exemption from the rage and havoc of war
peace between individuals, i.e. harmony, concord
security, safety, prosperity, felicity, (because peace and harmony make and keep things safe and prosperous)
of the Messiah's peace
the way that leads to peace (salvation)
of Christianity, the tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and content with its earthly lot, of whatsoever sort that is
*used in vs. 7 and 9; 86x in the New Testament, in every book except 1 John

Charge:
*Remember those negative thoughts that always distract you from living in peace? Pick one that you can consciously do away with this week. Tell your close friends what it is so they can hold you to it…then if you start to dwell on it, they can remind you to keep your Perspective of Peace :)
*If there is anyone with whom you need to reconcile, make a point to do it this week. Jesus is serious about reconciling and reconciling ASAP! (Matt 5:23-24—“Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.”)

Again I find myself procrastinating on my schoolwork and writing on here instead. Actually, to my credit, I really don't write on here enough to consider it a valid form of procrastination. Usually I just check my email and the facebook for the 57th time to see if I have any new messages. And the sad thing is, life has actually gotten so busy that I sometimes have three or four new emails to handle, even though I just cleared my box 30 minutes prior. I'm actually at the point where it would be a relief not to have any email when I check it. Fat chance... Last year I had problems with having an over-abundance of time...to the point that I'd go home and nap so that I could kill time before the next big thing I had to do. It was either nap, or eat and watch TV. So I slept a lot. This year, I sleep about as much as I used to nap and I'm always going and going...doing something or, more often, wasting time when I have a huge list of things to do (therefore contributing to my sleep-deprivation). I realize this is not healthy. I think realization is the first step to recovery...or something like that. But I've been at this state of realization for quite some time now and I don't seem to be moving toward any type of recovery. It's a good thing I'm not an alcoholic. I don't think I would be very good at AA...

Today has been productive though, I got some reading done and finished planning Bible Study for tomorrow. I'm looking forward to it--also to Women's Night next week and getting 1 Corinthians started. I love getting to be involved in the leadership side of things--getting to really meditate on the passages and topics and discuss them once with the other leaders before I bring them on Tues with all my girls. This should be challenging for me, but all in a good way--in that it motivates me to really go deep in my time with the Lord.

Anyways, I think I've met my random-thoughts-for-the-evening quota.

Signing off...

Tonight I had one of those episodes where you find yourself feeling very much alone in the middle of a crowded room. In an intense moment of clarity I was confronted by a part of my past and I realized just how far removed from it I really was. It's funny to me how something that was so recent within the scale of time can seem worlds away. I see myself growing and changing in ways that I almost thought impossible. Yet here I am. I feel like I am on the brink of something big. Something really huge. I feel like something major is about to happen and I don't know if that means that God wants to use me in a really big way or if I'm in for a really tough storm...but it feels hopeful. I feel like I am about to be a part of something greater that myself--greater than this world. The wheels are beginning to turn and I'm hanging on for the ride.

delayed post on bible study this week

so we didn't really have a very formal or specifically structured study this week, although i felt like it was a really good time for us all to share a little about the kinds of things we are learning this week. no official notes from me, though the passeges we looked at were Phil 3:4-7, 12-14 and Jer 9:23-24. We talked about priorities and the continual effort to put Christ 1st and become more like him. Everyone of course had awesome comments, though one of my favorites was about the Jer. verse--when it talks about how you should not boast in wisdom, might, or riches. someone brought up that (and man i wish i had written down who said this so i could give her credit) instead, these are all different ways that we can love God--with our wisdom, might, and riches. not that we have our own strength in them, but they are tools to be used for God's glory. rock on to that :)

random extra shoutout--Quest Women's Night, Tues Oct 4 from 8-10 pm, location TBA

love :) mere

Bible Study 9/13

Here are my notes in their original form, and I've added some comments to the end which were things that different people said in discussion that I thought were really awesome and wanted to share. So basically, those cool parts, I totally can't take credit for.

Humility

First order of business:
*Has anyone memorized Phil 1:27 yet?
*Last week’s charge was to do something concrete to show love to someone. Who followed through?

THE PASSAGE: Philippians 2:3-30
(3) Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant that yourselves. (4) Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. (5) Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, (6) who though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped. (7) but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. (8) And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. (9) Therefore, God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, (10) so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, (11) and every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.
(12) Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, (13) for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure. (14) Do all things without grumbling or questioning, (15) that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, (16) holding fast to the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I may be proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain. (17) Even if I am able to be poured out as a drink offering upon the sacrificial offering of your faith, I am glad and rejoice with you all. (18) Likewise you also should be glad and rejoice with me.
(19) I hope in the Lord Jesus to send Timothy to you soon, so that I too may be cheered by news of you. (20) For I have no one like him, who will be genuinely concerned for your welfare. (21) They all seek their own interests, not those of Jesus Christ. (22) But you know Timothy’s proven worth, how as a son with a father he has served with me in the gospel. (23) I hope therefore to send him just as soon as I see how it will go with me, (24) and I trust in the Lord that shortly I myself will come also. (25) I have thought it necessary to send to you Epaphroditus my brother and fellow worker and fellow soldier, and your messenger and minister to my need, (26) for he has been longing for you all and has been distressed because you heard that he was ill. (27) Indeed he was ill, near to death. But God had mercy on him, and not only on him but on me also, lest I should have sorrow upon sorrow. (28) I am the more eager to send him, therefore, that you may rejoice at seeing him again, and that I may be less anxious. (29) So receive him in the Lord with all joy, and honor such men, (30) for he nearly died for the work of Christ, risking his life to complete what was lacking in your service to me.

Another Greek Lesson:
*Word for “humbled” in vs. 8 is “tapeinoo” pronounced tap-i-no’-o
*Definition, courtesy of biblestudytools.net
to make low, bring low
to level, reduce to a plain
metaph. to bring into a humble condition, reduce to meaner circumstances
to assign a lower rank or place to
to abase
to be ranked below others who are honoured or rewarded
to humble or abase myself by humble living
to lower, depress
of one's soul bring down one's pride
to have a modest opinion of one's self
to behave in an unassuming manner
devoid of all haughtiness
*In some verses, this word is translated “to make low” or “humiliate”

Observations on the Passage:

Vs. 3-11
How to unity and humility relate?
*Humility encourages unity through building relationships.
Does unity mean always agreeing?
*No, but it is an agreement on all the major issues (who is God? Jesus paid the penalty of our sins so we could be saved, etc.). We are all going in the same direction, together, but we have different ways of walk, talk, and dress.
How does Jesus demonstrate the steps of humility?
*He puts God in His place (exalted over all creation)
*He puts Himself in His place, as a bondservant (physical)
what is a bondservant? “slave by choice” NT word is doulos and its OT equivalent
was used when a slave loved his master enough to choose to stay enslaved to him.
*Humbles himself (mentally)
*Obeys
*Is willing to go to the extremes (death, on a cross) to obey God

Vs. 12-18
*What’s the “therefore” there for?
After seeing Christ’s example, we should continue to sanctify ourselves.
*What are some of these traits suggested and how do they relate to being humble?
Don’t grumble (fabulous adjective) or question (other translations say complaining, arguing and disputing)
We should be lights to the crooked and perverse generations
Hold fast to the word of life (gospel!!)
Willing to sacrifice ourselves (however that looks) like Paul

Vs. 19-30
*Who is it that Paul sends and what are his motivations for doing so?
Timothy
Genuinely cares about the Philippians
Seeks interests of Christ, not his own
Reputation of proven worth
Served Paul like a son (place of lower, humble status)
Epaphroditus
Concerned that the Philippians not worry about him
Called “brother and fellow worker and fellow soldier”
*What kinds of images do these descriptions evoke?
Considered honorable by Paul (again, we see, good reputation)
Risked his life for the work of Christ
*Which of these characteristics would you say you struggle with a lot or are lacking in life?
I often like to be in the center of attention, but would instead like to be the kind of person who serves unbeknownst in the background, in a place of lowered status.
*Paul describes these two men in high esteem. How would you like others to describe you?
I love the idea of being a soldier and really want to be the kind of person described as a prayer warrior. Prayer has such amazing power that we rarely tap into, but I want to learn to discipline myself to a life of prayer so that I am able to see just how powerfully God can work in our lives.

Some Fab Other Passages about Humility:
*Matthew 18:4—“Whoever humbles himself like this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.”
*Matthew 23:11-12—“The greatest among you shall be your servant. Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.” (Luke 14:11 and 18:14, repeat this idea again)
*James 4:6-10—“But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, ‘God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.’ Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.”
*1 Peter 5:5-7—“Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for ‘God opposes the proud and gives grace to the humble.’ Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.”

Charge:
*What is one concrete way this week that you can begin to practice the characteristics that you admire about Timothy and Epaphroditus?
*Think of someone this week whose needs you can put before your own. (a good place to start is at home where you live) What are some concrete ways to do this?


**Other's comments that deserve pondering:

*Humility is not putting a label on yourself--not thinking of yourself in a certain way where you could be easily offended by someone who treated you "wrong"
*Humility is building others up, not putting yourself down.
*Just as Christ took on the form of a human, or put Himself in our shoes, humility takes the form of putting ourselves in others' shoes in order to serve them better.
*Unity doesn't mean always agreeing, but it is an attitude of support for fellow believers.
*Jesus puts himself in a place of humble circumstances, in that he didn't need material things.
*Feeling "entitled" or as if you deserve a certain response, status, treatment, prevents you from serving--Christ demonstrated giving up this entitlement when he humbled himself to become human.
*Humility (like all other spiritual disciplines) is ONLY possible through Christ. We will never be humble on our own strength, but only through God are we able to truly love one another.

Fabulous discussion girls. I love you all :)

And goodnight...

Fasting

So it's 10:25 right now, which means I've almost finished my first attempt at fasting for a day. I'm reading this book as part of my devotionals called Becoming the Woman I Want to Be by Donna Partow. It's kind of a make-over book, God-style, and it goes through transforming yourself spirit, soul, and body. A good read, if any of yall are interested in a jumping off point for your time with the Lord. The devos are fairly short, which I like because on days I wake up late, I can still make time for them, yet I am still able to do other studies at the same time. Sometimes it's hard for me to focus on the same study during my quiet times every day because they start to feel tedious. Anyways, point is, part of the study slowly takes you through diet suggestions, and today she introduced the concept of fasting. This has always been a bit of a touchy subject for me, because it can be hard for me to fast as a way to learn discipline and focus on the Lord. Usually I find myself encouraged by the fact that it should make me skinnier, which is not such a cool reason to fast. But I was really excited about doing this today. She brought up the topic earlier in the book and explained some health benefits and spiritual benefits to fasting, as well as some guidelines to follow, so I figured I'd try it out. My dad did a lesson on fasting a while ago for the singles class that got me interested in doing it, but it has been problematic for me in the past. Today, though, was really cool. Yeah, I feel pretty tired and didn't have my usual amount of energy, but I found myself joyfully reminded of God. Since I rarely forgot about being hungry, I thought often about the Lord. I feel like this is something really powerful that I am starting to tap into, and it will hopefully only get better as I learn more about it. Lately, I've really been thinking about the value of learning to discipline myself in different areas of life, so this was a cool addition to my desire for discipline.

The other thing about fasting is I know that it's not something you are supposed to boast about or make a big to-do about while you are doing it. I considered not making a post on the subject, except that I thought it might be interesting to see if anyone comments on it.

So that might have been pretty incoherent and jumbled, but I'm really excited about learning more about fasting and how that can be a useful discipline in building my relationship with the Lord. Just wanted to throw that out there. God totally rocks.

Oh--and I did want to include a bit of a disclaimer. If you're considering trying a fast, it would probably be wise to learn a little bit more about fasting before you attempt it, because I think it would be easy to go about it in an unhealthy way. I know I've done it.

As promised, here are my notes from Bible study last Tuesday night...

Thanks so much to all of you girls that have been there the past couple of weeks--we've really been getting some good discussion going, which I totally love, and I feel like we are really all collectively learning together as we all bring our experiences and different perspectives to the table. I also really love getting to go to AGO afterwards to worship with them. It's really awesome to realize that I have so many brothers in Christ right here at SC.

Ok--no more chat...here are the notes :)


Unity

Recap of Last Week: Perspective of the Gospel
What is the gospel?
1 Cor 15—Christ’s fulfillment of Old Testament Scriptures
What do we do with it?
The Great Commission (Matt 28:19)
Abide and bear (Jesus)fruit (John 15)

To the Text: Philippians 1:27, 2:1-8
“Only let your manner of life be worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that whether I come and see you or am absent, I may hear of you that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one mind striving side by side for the faith of the gospel…Therefore if there is any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship in the Spirit, if any affection and mercy, fulfill my joy by being like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality With God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.”

Greek Word “Phroneo”
to be of the same mind, agreed together, cherish the same views, be harmonious
to have understanding, to be wise
to direct one’s mind to a thing, to seek, to strive for; to be of one’s party, to side with him.
This word is also used in Matt, Mark, and Acts as well as in 6 of Paul’s (13, maybe 14) letters; hence, important!
Phroneo is used in vs. 2—to be likeminded with the other believers, as well as in vs. 5—to be likeminded with Christ.

Likeminded with Christ:
definitely not where I thought this topic would go, but I think the point deserves further scrutiny…
What does it mean to be likeminded with Christ?
What could be the benefits to that?
How could we be likeminded with other believers if we do not have the same focus?
Analogy: in plowing rows, you have to look ahead to some spot in the distance in order to make a strait line; in the same way, if we focus on Christ, we are able to stay headed in the same direction.
Cheesy, obvious answer question: what are some ways to be likeminded with Christ?

Likeminded with other believers:
first, the why? As in…why is it important?

“Americans take great pride in our independent spirit.
We can do it our way and we don’t need any help, thank you very much.
But the Bible says people need one another.
It says we are to bear one another’s burdens and share one another’s joys.
These aren’t suggestions. They are commands.”
--Donna Partow, Becoming the Woman I Want to Be

What does scripture have to say? Several instances of commands…


Hebrews 10:24-25
“And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching.”

Psalms 133:1
“How good and pleasant it is when brothers can live together!”

Romans 12:16
Be in agreement with one another. Do not be proud; instead, associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own estimation

I Cor 1:10
Now I urge you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you all say the same thing, that there be no divisions among you, and that you be united with the same understanding and the same conviction.

Eph 4:1-6
“I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peach. There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call—one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is oover all and through all and in all.”

1 Peter 3:8
“Now finally, all of you should be like-minded and sympathetic, should love believers, and be compassionate and humble,”

Definitely safe to conclude that Peter, Paul, the writer of Hebrews, and the Psalmist here consider unity really important.

Practially, unity has great results:

When was a time that you felt personal benefit from unity with other believers?
Germany this summer was an amazing time for me because I felt so close and so unified with that group—even when I had a really crappy language class, I had 26 other people to lean on who encouraged me and loved me no matter what. The emotional response I felt to that kind of unity was so incredible, that it spurred me on to love and serve the campers as well as my teammates. I think sometimes just knowing that you are loved, cared for, and unified can make so much difference in your attitude toward life and whatever you are doing.
In Acts 4:32-37
32 Now the multitude of those who believed were of one heart and soul, and no one said that any of his possessions was his own, but instead they held everything in common. 33 And with great power the apostles were giving testimony to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus, and great grace was on all of them. 34 For there was not a needy person among them, because all those who owned lands or houses sold them, brought the proceeds of the things that were sold, 35 and laid them at the apostles' feet. This was then distributed to each person as anyone had a need. 36 Joseph, who was named by the apostles Barnabas, which is translated Son of Encouragement, a Levite and a Cypriot by birth, 37 sold a field he owned, brought the money, and laid it at the apostles' feet.

Now for Our Group:
Pray for unity
Make an effort to meet with one another, get to know each other
Find people that you feel like you can confide in and actually do it!


Next Week…
How does humility helps us to become unified?


For those of you who were there, you know that we strayed a little from these actual notes and of course I don't have all the cool things that everyone else said written on here (which totally stinks) but it does give an idea of what verses we talked about and such (and the fab Donna Partow quote). Das ist alles for now. (I'm totally learning German right now...)

Thursday Night

So I'm just chillin at my house tonight. It's actually kind of peaceful. Everyone who's anyone is out tonight, but I opted to stay home and get a little homework-age going (which I'm of course not doing because I am writing on here) But I'm the only one of my girls home right now...listening to a little Dashboard, drinking some cranberry iced tea, just relaxed--which feels really good. Life has been so crazy lately, but I think it's going to slow down after Monday. I've got some major work to do on The Shape of Things, which is the show I'm co-costuming, by Monday so we can hopefully get funding for it. (PS--the show will be in the Massman on Parents' weekend--October 7th-ish--can't remember right now when the exact dates and times are, but I'll post those as time gets closer) Anyway--point being, after this weekend, it will slow down a little, and I perform my scene for Backer's class on Monday, which will be a bit of a load off. Definately haven't performed in like...a year, so this should be really fun but kind of scary. For now, another sip of tea, a deep breath, The Bacchae, and finally a good nights' rest :)

tentative purpose statement

ok...i think this time i've got something going. as much as i hate the idea of being one of those who have a blog and constantly rant about weird and bizzarro stuff online, i'm joining the ranks so i can keep people updated on what i'm up to. actually my major motivation for this was to be able to post bible-study notes so if any of the girls in my group wanted to see the notes from the previous week (or if any random people from home want to know what it is we talked about) they can. basically, i was working on planning bible study this morning when this brilliant thought occured to me--which has now devoured a good couple of hours of my day. so back to study-age for me.

more intelligent posts to come...

untitled

Trying to get this show on the road...

Hoping this works

In avoidance of doing any real work today, I'm setting up this blog, which may or may not prove useful in the future...