Playwriting: A Monologue

Hello?

Hi.

Yeah...it has been a pretty long time...

I've called because...well...I just wanted you to know that I'm getting married. I just needed you to know. And I wanted to say I'm sorry.

Because I still hate you. And I'm sorry. I've tried a thousand times to forgive you, to forgive myself...but no matter how many times I say it in my head. "I forgive you." It won't ever sink in.
I forgive you.
You were my first. Before I knew what I was doing. I was so innocent. I didn't think I was. But I was...I was innocent. And you took my heart...because I gave it willingly...because I didn't know any better. Because you felt safe. Because I trusted you.
I forgive myself.
You're an era that I can't block out. I see you in all sorts of little things. I mean...there's the necklace and the cd with your handwriting...but it's not just those. Those things make sense...but it's...anything that has to do with my life during that year or so. It's my art. It's my car...my clothes...my glasses...vanilla... It's all stained, all tainted.
I forgive you.
I don't have any pictures of us together...actually together. I have one picture of you from the bus...you're frowning at me. I can't remember how I made you frown. I don't know why I made you frown. But it sums up everything.
I forgive myself, too.
And I still hate you. And I'm getting married. He's everything I've always looked for. And I just needed to call you because I needed you to know.
And I'm sorry. Because I still hate you. I still hate you because I still love you.
So much.