Copy and Paste

My roommate Alethea turned me on to this blog, Stuff Christians Like, which includes several shout outs to creepy things that define our awkward sub-culture. A few highlights...

"Yes, God wants us to be compassionate and kind and tender with each other. Not only that, but he wants us to love our enemies and serve our neighbors. As long as there is no body on body action. I'm talking of course about a "full frontal hug," one of those sinful abominations where you just wrap your arms around a friend and embrace them. That's why Christians the world over have pioneered the "side hug." In the side hug there's no risk of two crotches touching. Instead of face to face, you go side to side, putting your arm around the person and your hip against their's. Still having a hard time mastering it? Pretend you're taking a photo and you're both looking at the camera together. The side hug, or A frame as it is also called, is safe for the whole family, friendly and above all holy. I don't know the exact scripture reference but try the book of Psalms."

"But now, I realize that sometimes we put God in the liner notes of albums I don't think he had anything to do with. I know that in some sense, God is infused in everything in the world and as a Christian he should be woven in to every part of your day, but this kid's song was not that good. I mean, I've seen God's work. He made the Grand Canyon and the platypus, when he gets creative, he really gets creative. But sometimes, in a variation of throwing the God Card, we thank God for things I think he'd just as soon say, 'whoa, whoa, whoa, that chorus is weak and don't even get me started on that bridge. Leave my name off that song champ.'"

"My biggest fear as a Christian, now that I'm married and the rapture did not come before I lost my virginity, is that God will call me somewhere I don't want to go. Now that I have given him my life he will say in a James Earl Jones voice, "Jon, I want you to go to the deepest, darkest jungle in a country you didn't even know existed. And I want you to teach calculus and Bible stories to the people there. I have spoken." I'd have no problem with the Bible stories, but as a writer, math is my sworn enemy. When I have to count or do simple addition in my head, it's like entering mortal combat and I rarely win. But that is what I am afraid of. I fear that God likes to call his people to do things they don't want to do all in his name."

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