I'll Do it For Love

I had the sudden realization tonight that after weeks of posting mostly links to other websites and blogs, I may have lost nearly all of my readership. Why would you read me if I am only going to link you to another article? Why not eliminate the middle man? AAAhhhh!! My childhood solace of being the "white stuff" (who thought of Weird Al?) between my Oreo-cookie siblings (no, we aren't multi-racial) is smashed to pieces (sings a bad Ashlee Simpson song. Wonders why Ashlee spells her names as such). The middle child is NOT the best child!!! Woe is me (along with my over-use of parenthesis and digressions)!! And I've met my exclamation mark quota.

I have visions of the three of you who are left, including my mom, suddenly slinking away into the far reaches of other blogdom...oh who am I kidding? My parents don't read my blog unless I remind them to. I'll get crap for that later. Or maybe...I've just guilted them into bookmarking it. (Yes!)

Point being, my apologies. I've always said that I didn't want my blog to turn into a drab account of my day to day clothing choices and office drama. If I'm going to write about something, it should be thoughtful--less of "this happened to me" and more of "this made me think about such and such and it all relates to God and the church and all of us in ways X, Y, and Z."

Some posts are better than others.

But when life gets too personal, too busy, or seems to lack epiphany, the wells of my textual brilliance run dry. As of late, I blame my absence on a house blend of all of the above. Tonight, I bring some refreshment to ease the drought.

Earlier this week, I made a borderline-deranged decision. Before I enacted said decision, I spent the morning praying over my next move. It went something like this, "Ok God, I'm not sure if this is going to be another one of those really dumb things I do, but I feel like I need to do it, so I ask that however it turns out, you would bless me. Whatever that looks like." It was a really cool moment--one of those times where you know that you've gone so far out on a limb that God better pull through or you are screwed.

And He totally did. Post-op, I felt an incredible sense of peace, knowing that this situation would grow me in one of several amazing ways. Although I've yet to see which it will be, I am getting to see what it's like to really trust God--to stand on the promises that He works all things for good for those that follow Him. That if I ask anything in His name, He will do it. It wasn't one of those Jesus-is-like-Santa-Claus prayers for a new bike, but an honest petition for spiritual growth and deepened relationship through (and maybe despite) my unique circumstances. And those are the kinds of prayers that God answers. They're the kind of prayers that should characterize our lives...because if we are asking for things that we know are in line with His will (and our becoming more like Him definitely is one of those things), then we can eagerly anticipate their fruition.

So now, a few days later, the actual testing sets in. Did I really mean it when I said that I wanted God to teach me patience? Would I really be able to pull off my promise to meditate on God rather than obsess over the aftermath? Was this one of those dangerous prayers, like asking for brokenness, where I would silently curse myself once it gets answered?

Who knows.

But I can tell you this for sure: it is so lovely to plow out of the spiritual rut I was in with a season that tries my faith and sends me helpless into the arms of my Savior.