In a Moment of Honesty

It's never a good idea to write blogs from that emotional place you get to when it's late at night. There's a certain sense of truth that I know comes out of me when the day is done and I start getting all introspective. My best friend Mitzi once told me that I was one of the strongest people she knows. I laughed.

I recently learned that I had a few more blog readers than I thought--meaning that my late night emo-posts are getting around to more people than is probably healthy. Hm...how to be honest and avoid the overshare...

Honestly, this post isn't strong. I'm about to admit that sometimes I don't have all my stuff together. I'm not quite as invincible as I like to portray. Yes, I'm talking again about boys, which sort of makes me want to vomit. 98% of me has a complete handle on things--boys are entertaining but not good for much else. And it absolutely KILLS me when the other 2% wins out and I start to feel all girly and daydreamy and yuck. Mitzi says I'm strong. So I should be able to hold my own. Just me and God. And I don't want or need anything else.

But Lauren introduced me to this new song tonight, and I let myself be weak and actually feel every word. Music and I have had quite the affair, and I love it when certain lines or bits of songs give a voice to that piece of yourself that you can't quite seem to express. I've felt these words long before I heard them tonight...

"Paperweight"
Joshua Radin and Shuyler Fisk

Been up all night staring at you
wondering what's on your mind
i've been this way with so many before but this feels like the first time
you want the sunrise to go back to bed
i want to make you laugh

mess up my bed with me
kick off the covers i'm waiting
every word you say i think i should write down
don't want to forget come daylight
happy to lay here
just happy to be here
i'm happy to know you

play me a song
your newest one
please leave your taste on my tongue
paperweight on my back
cover me like a blanket

mess up my bed with me
kick off the covers i'm waiting
every word you say i think i should write down
don't want to forget come daylight
and no need to worry
that's wastin time
and no need to wonder
what's been on my mind
it's you
it's you
it's you
every word you say i think i should write down
don't want to forget come daylight
and i give up
i let you win
you win cause i'm not counting
you made it back to sleep again
wonder what you're dreaming

Seriously--I hate the girly side of me that thinks I wrote every line. No more daydreaming. I'm going to bed. At least if I'm a big, sappy dork while I sleep, it's not really my fault because I have no control over what my subconscious dwells on. Tomorrow morning, the majority gets to rule again.