Monday, June 18, 2007

A Little Bible Never Hurt Anyone

On my way back from the Mud-run on Saturday (if you don't know what I'm talking about, just you wait till the pictures go up on facebook), I pulled out my Bible on cd, flipped...or rather skipped...to the appropriate track and caught up on a little 2nd Chronicles. And now, for the paraphrase:

So King Ahab of Israel wants to buddy up with Jehoshephat from Judah to go to war, and Jehoshephat is like, ok, sure. Let's do this. But he's smart so he says, check with the prophets. So Ahab's prophets are all like, "yeah, go to war!" All enthused and such. But Jehoshephat says, "naw man, do you have any prophets of the LORD? (Like all caps kind of LORD, which means Yahweh, not any of those other gods that one might translate to lord in the lower caps sense of the term) Cuz you ought to check with them." And Ahab is like, "yeah...well we've got this one guy, but I hate him because he never prophesies anything good about me. Only disaster."

Um...duh! Of course Ahab hates the guy. Turns out the prophet, Micaiah had some major bad news for Ahab: this crazy vision about scattered sheep on the mountain and a spirit who lies to all the other prophets. Granted, Ahab gets pissed at this, puts Micaiah in jail, and goes off to war anyways. Then he gets jacked between the scales of his armor, his crew loses, and he dies watching the battle go south.

And this has been Bible stories according to Meredith. Funny how people care more about what they want to hear than what is actually true.

And because I'd hate to end this post on a thought-provoking, dramatic twist, here's another lovely tidbit from a couple of tracks later:

"and you yourself will have a severe sickness with a disease of your bowels, until your bowels come out, day after day, because of the disease. The LORD aroused against Jehoram the anger of the Philistines and of the Arabs who are near the Ethiopians. They came up against Judah, invaded it, and carried away all the possessions they found that belonged to the king’s house, along with his sons and his wives, so that no son was left to him except Jehoahaz, his youngest son. After all this the LORD struck him in his bowels with an incurable disease. In course of time, at the end of two years, his bowels came out because of the disease, and he died in great agony. His people made no fire in his honor, like the fires made for his ancestors."

That's pleasant.

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