The Pendulum Swings Back: Finding a Balanced Feminism

In the end, all of these things go back to the “what about me?” mentality. So if I look at the situation frankly, I feel no need to keep it going because the cause has done enough to serve me—I can vote and own property and all those lovely things. So why bother trying to further it? Which is, in itself, a difficult question to answer since I don’t really know what the cause is trying to do. Or who is in charge. To play devil’s advocate, why bother making any changes that will take power from white, upper-middle-class, capitalist society? Perhaps I am marginalized as a woman (which, despite the literature, I still doubt), but I am definitely a part of the “dominant” groups that feminists are trained to loath. Just as we consider whether or not men benefit from feminism, I don’t know if I can find the motivation for someone in my subgroup to bother with feminism. Why would those in power be motivated to give up their dominance? I ask myself, “what about me?” and find that I am just as satisfied now as ever. Ironically, it turns out that my “oppressive” patriarchal religion is the driving force that convicts me to fight injustice in the world. Because I feel blessed by God’s grace, I realize the value of sharing this blessing with others. If Jesus came to heal the sick and brokenhearted, and I profess to want to be like Him (which I do), then I should also be concerned with helping and healing others.

Then my other beef has been the negative attitude of the class, which if I may be so bold to assume, seems the attitude of feminists everywhere: it’s still not enough! When we look at history and see how far we have come, it really makes me happy. I am so thankful to be living in this age when women really do have such great freedom of vocational and lifestyle choices. Then, I go to class and my optimism just can’t hold up. By the time the 4:30 bell releases us, I want to bash faces in or slit my wrists. In bold letters across one of the recent readings, I found myself etching (like really digging the pen a few pages deep) the words, “what would it take for you to be satisfied?” I don’t know if this “all or nothing” attitude is the most effective. Watching the Colbert Report the other day, one of the guests, discussing her new book, criticized the war in Iraq. She claimed that the problem with how America handled the situation is that we gave the UN an ultimatum—you’re either for us or your against us. And since they could not wholeheartedly agree with our tactics, many countries bailed. It’s as if we forced them into the enemy position. Just as more and more countries jumped ship after 9/11, it seems that more and more people are leaping from the feminist bandwagon, dusting off their shoes with good riddance. Instead of taking the time to rejoice in the small victories, it seems that feminists remain bitter. “Still not enough!” they protest, and their supporters, finding them gracelessly displeased with even the most grand changes and concessions, eventually get tired and quit helping. He throws up his hands: “I can’t ever please you!” And it’s not worth it for him to keep trying. He bails.

Meanwhile, I hope that I don’t become frustrated and jump ship. As much as I have dreaded the inevitable mudslinging in the readings and class, I am trying to remember the good and seek small ways that I can begin to make a change. Truly, many aspects of feminism are not only worthwhile for me to support, but follow directly with the type of character that the Bible encourages. I love reading Paul’s admonishments to married couples. Yes, he asks wives to submit to their husbands, but his command is greater for the men—they are called to love their wives, sacrificially, just as Christ loved the church. Marriage, then, is this grand analogy, intended to mirror God’s love for his people. As a woman, knowing men who love in this way, why would I not delight to follow their direction? Of course I make my own decisions, am rational and smart, but when I see the kind of selflessness of my father and male friends, submission isn’t such a foreign concept. I listen to my father’s advice because I know how much he loves me and I know that he is wise. Why would he steer me wrong? So if I chose one day (and thank the Lord that I do have this choice) to marry, I will look for someone that I can respect, before I put myself under the authority of any random shmuck. I don’t approach patriarchy as the problem itself because I’ve seen it implemented in ways that were hopeful and healing and good. I won’t be blind to problems in this world, and I hope I never freeze up when given the opportunity to act on behalf of those that are unfairly treated.