My Dreams Are on Acid

I don't even know where to begin...I had the MOST BIZARRE dream of my life last night. I mean...it just kept going and going and there were sooo many weird aspects to it that I just feel the need to share it with the world.

Where to begin...I think everything started out at church. I began to volunteer with the middle school group (which contrary to the state of Shoreline, involved like 60 kids) and they were talking about taking a missions trip of sorts...except once we got over there (unidentified European country) it was only like normal people from Shoreline and a bunch of people from my high school and some people from SC.

So the first section of interest involves a boy that we will call Jake. In real life, Jake is someone that I have previously crushed on, but who is off limits now that I know that a friend of mine likes him. So Jake and I are hanging out in the lake while the guy I currently have a thing for (see footnote) is watching us. Out of anger and spite at our observer (who I clearly have a right to be mad at solely for the sake that he doesn't like me...yeah I'm retarded) and because I can feel a definite attraction between Jake and I, things start to get really flirty between us in that kind of childlike, but really cute way where you're kind of mean in a playful way. So eventually some sort of concert thing starts up and the speaker wants me to participate in something so I have to swim up to the edge of the stage for this, which is kind of difficult because the water is deep and there isn't much to hang on to. So Jake follows me up so he can help me not to drown, which is not only a darling gesture but is especially gag-bag-cute because he has his arms around me holding me up. Eventually we quit paying attention (because my participatory part is over) and I notice he has this ring on that I think is really pretty, which I say, and he asks me if I want to wear it (aww...how fifties...). Eventually we head back to the hotel where we're staying, which is where we run into said friend who likes him and I kind of feel bad because Jake is trying to act sort of couply with me--which is irritating on one level because he hasn't said anything to me about wanting to take me out or how he likes me...nothing that would insinuate a semblance of commitment--but would still be kind of cute if it weren't for Friend, whose feelings I may be hurting. End of section one.

The next part of the dream was about my Aunt Shelly and cousin Natalie. While we are in this unnamed country, Natalie starts to work for some spy company, which isn't too much of an issue until the government wants her to work for them--then the spy people realize that she's working for both of them and start flipping out and try to kill her. There is also a small, very cute cat involved. So Spy Company tries to shoot Natalie with a tranquilizer dart and Shelly, her mom, runs with Natalie to avoid the incoming fire. They almost escape the hit, but it manages to catch Shelly on the hand. She collapses into dead weight and Natalie hits her head and gets knocked out. Thankfully in this part of the dream I get to be the hero instead of the mushy damsel and I wake Natalie just enough to get her to follow me to safety...and I carry my Aunt Shelly who is thankfully small. All the while, my parents, sister and brother are off on a side vacation and can't come help, so it's up to me to arrange for us to flee the country, which isn't Spain, but they speak Spanish. Thankfully, I remember some Spanish from high school, so I am able to talk to some of the girls from camp (I think the mission trip resembles Sprachcamp a bit in that we are semi-responsible for some native kids) and a lady at the train station about our situation. Still I have to pay normal fare for the train for the three of us--Natalie who sneaks onto the train out of plain view of any Spies that might be watching her, and Shelly who is still unconscious, who I drag into place. I grab some supplies and am accompanied by a few girls from camp who I semi-successfully speak to in their broken English and my broken Spanish (which includes some random German because I forget that those words are from German and not Spanish). Alas, we speed away to our new unnamed location without trouble. Natalie has the cat and no one sees us...the only downside is that I have to sit next to Hitler on the train.

Part Three: We are at our new hotel of sorts and Natalie, the cat, and Shelly are safe and not involved in the rest of the story. I am sharing a room with Hitler and two other girls. Hitler kind of scares me. I want some candles, but he is anti-candle, but I am able to sneak them in anyway. Ha Hitler--take that. Still, I am trying to be friendly and I make an attempt at conversation. I say "Guten Morgen" to him, which I mistake for the Spanish greeting, "Buenas Dias" and he is kind of angry that I used German because everyone here speaks Spanish and German just reminds him of his unhappy past. I explain my problem with confusing the languages and he is kind of understanding, for a dictator. Then, I go downstairs with some of my friends to attend a party where I stumble upon a huge liquor cabinet filled only with Jagermeister. So I insist that we all take shots of Jager to toast the evening. As I'm pouring the glasses, the smell alone starts to make me kind of tipsy, which I'm a little worried about because I'd prefer not to get myself drunk in a strange country around a bunch of people I don't really know. We all take shots, even one of my friends who I know is anti-alcohol and I think for a moment that I have been a bad influence and she is only drinking out of peer-pressure. Then, my childhood friend, Carly, offers everyone a tray of cocaine lines and a straw: "Anyone want to do a line with me?" She asks this with the same sense of normality that I had asked if anyone wanted to do shots with me...because clearly cocaine and alcohol are equally normal things to intake at a party. All of a sudden, people begin to hide because Hitler is coming and he doesn't like parties. A game of cat and mouse ensues and it's really dramatic. I head back to my room where I run into a friend of mine from high school (who I was never interested in) who I'll call Ralph. I get to the top of the stairs and he is flirting with me and playfully pushes me but I go tumbling down the stairs. I catch the banister half-way down and manage not to die, but I am a bit beat up and weak. I call to Ralph for help and he is mortified that he accidentally hurt me. He helps pull me up the stairs and we get to the top and the tension gets sexual really fast which is super awkward now that I think about it, but wasn't at the time. So now I kind of have a thing for Ralph and I think that Jake walks by at some point and is kind of Charlie Brown sad, but I'm not sympathetic because the stupid kid never officially tried to ask me out or suggest that we have some sort of relationship so it's his own fault. Then at some point Ralph goes away and an untouchable crush, we're calling Mike, from my Senior year hits on me in a really gross way, suggesting that since I had a thing with Ralph apparently he thought that he could have me too. Like I'm some sort of slut to be passed around and I'm totally grossed out by Mike and pissed that he would make that suggestion, so even though I would have been all about that four years ago, I tell him to take a hike...in so many words. I think he only hits on me because at this point there are not that many girls around and it's been a long summer trip. Anyways, the boys are gone for a while and Hitler comes in and we have a nice little chat about all of his wives. Like the one that he married but got tired of so now his son is married to her. And about how a bunch of girls he marries (or his sons marry) are like 2 or 3 years old because there aren't laws against it in that country. Somehow he looks kind of like Fidel Castro, but I manage to avoid a slip of the tongue where I call him Fidel. And I hope to God that he doesn't think that I am going to be joining the ranks as wifey.

Now for the beach scene: We're having a beach excursion and I'm learning to surf, which is quite amusing because I have my board and after a ridiculous struggle of swimming past where the waves break, I am ready to start the long surf back in. So I hit my first wave and I am on my feet but I go flying through the air over the top of the wave instead of riding it and I fly for a good couple of seconds before I hit the water again...after the break. Then I hit a second one, but the same thing happens. When I get to shore I try to explain this to my friend-turned-surf-teacher but he wasn't watching me so he can't be of much help. I take a break to go help the other girls who are preparing dinner. One of them looks disgusted by the pile of turkey bones left over after they've carved off the meat and asks me to dispose of it. So I take the turkey remains to the garbage disposal in the little hut nearby and I notice that there is a lot of turkey that they missed (stupid non-southern girls) and I have to salvage the rest of the meat so we don't look like wasteful Americans to our native friends. I try to put the cleaned bones down the garbage disposal and turn the nob on the sink, but it doesn't actually start to chop things...it only makes a weird spinning noise, so I think maybe it's broken. Then I press the red button marked "garbage disposal" (funny it's not in Spanish like everything else here...probably because subconscious Meredith doesn't know those words in Spanish) and a flashing light appears on the side of the building. I realize that it's a call button for the lady in the main house who will come out to open the cabinet drawers under the sink and sweep out the sink garbage. I realize that we need to chop the onions and tomatoes and go into the other cabinets for a knife and the rest of the tomatoes. Unfortunately, the blackout shudders inside the cabinets are already closed and it's kind of difficult to reach under them, but I manage.

I think that's about when I woke up. For those of you who didn't already think I was crazy, now you have solid confirmation. Please don't judge me.

As always, comments, mocking, and interpretation suggestions are welcome...BUT--those of you who think you might know who certain unnamed individuals are MAY NOT guess at them, remembering that there is a chance that such individuals might read my blog. Your cooperation is appreciated :)


Footnote: Fortunately said boy is not important enough in this story to get a pseudonym, which brings me to my current rant about how I HATE when I dream about a guy that I like because during the day, I do pretty good at redirecting my thoughts when I am tempted to daydream about him, remembering that God is my first and best love, but dreaming is unfair because I have no control over that. Cosmic joke. Thanks, God.