Settling, Settling Down, and Feeling Unsettled

I'm feeling unsettled.

And it's only because I'm obnoxiously girly and I think too much and all of these things. But on the off chance that other people agree and think they are the only one...or that someone might learn something new about the way girls (read: I) think...here goes.

We got into a discussion tonight about dating. A question posed, what should we (the church) cover in a series on love and intimacy? Which turned into a whole gamut of weird topics and answers, but the one that really got me--that I couldn't shake during the drive home from Santa Monica--was the idea of settling. We seemed to agree that one of the biggest problems is how to actually pick someone. How do you know if this is in fact "the one" you are supposed to be with? Are we waiting for a beam of light or electric shock or what?

Really, this may be a more difficult problem for guys. I promise I'm not going to go anti-boy here. If anything, I know very well that women in the church have a lot of growing to do if we want to live the way that the Bible says we were created to, so I have no right to bash on guys for "not stepping up." The poor things have been told all sorts of mixed messages and are now afraid to even open a door for a woman--for fear that she'll go all feminazi, accusing them of implying that she's weak. I am not surprised that men in the church have trouble with what the world tells them about their "place," because women are having the same problem. Still, since they have a more "active" role in dating, from a Biblical standpoint, guys often run into more pressure to "just pick one." Of course, no one wants to botch something like marriage, because, well...it's rather permanent, so it's understandable that they have a certain amount of hesitation--especially since marriage may be one of the most life changing decisions you ever make. No pressure. There may always be that little voice at the back of your head asking, "Is she it? Or did I settle?" The million dollar word: settle. Now, don't get me wrong--girls will ask the same question--and in both cases, the thought that your spouse feels like they were settling would be heartbreaking. Which to me is, well...unsettling.

To think--that someone would look at me and say, "she loves God, she'll do." And that would be a settlement? Because if the God-thing is in line, then that only means that there's something personally wrong with me. Like--I'm not pretty enough or skinny or smart or whatever enough. Or maybe I'm enough of those things, but not Godly enough. Always not something enough.

But let's be honest--who is?? No one is going to be everything enough if your standard is perfection. (Which is what we are striving to be, perfect as Christ is perfect) So in a sense, won't we all settle? And if so, then "settling down" is exactly what it sounds like: settling. Not to be the mushy type, but this is not the stuff that great wedding vows are made of. What happened to just liking someone? Attraction? Compatibility?

A friend once asked what it would take to score a date with me:

"Hi. I love Jesus. Wanna grab coffee?"

This really shouldn't be so hard. And I know that it's not a simple formula like I want it to be. Which is probably why I hate talking about it...because I get all soapboxey and feel the need to stay up to ungodly hours blogging about what I think so that everyone can hear about it.