A final note: we were supposed to write the article as a submission to the LA Times and focus it as a cultural analysis, not criticism; although, my own opinions about the topic do come out fairly clearly. While I know that there are a lot of ways that the Church has improved in how we think about these things, I feel as though the root of the problem can be hit at when we examine why it is we construct sin in the way we do and how life gets distorted when we focus on the rules and not God.
Ok that's all I'll say for now. Enjoy.
Disclaimer: Despite the Subject Matter, This Article Received a PG Rating
(The stage lights come up on MONIKA, emerging from her bed with disheveled hair wearing a man’s white collared shirt, a shirt that belongs to her husband MARK, who remains in the bed, but calls out to her.)
MARK
Honey? Is everything ok...?
MONIKA
Yeah...fine, fine...
(MONIKA shuts the bathroom door and we see her wildly raving about—as quietly as possible—with clenched fists and teeth. Her whisper is angry.)
God—this is really irritating! Like honestly—honestly? Mark and I did what you said and we waited till marriage...and not only is sex not all it’s cracked up to be...it’s frankly...I can’t do this... Oh geez...this sucks. It sucks! It sucks!
(MONIKA sighs and looks at herself in the mirror. The questions that so many Christians are afraid to breathe escape her lips.)
What am I doing wrong? How have I sinned? God—I thought that if I obeyed...?
The lights darken on stage and rise in the house, illuminating the audience who must now deal with their own, exposed demons. In the dark, viewers watch their problems portrayed by someone else. In the dark, there is comfort. But, for those willing to face their truth, catharsis comes, and along with it, a sense of emotional rebirth. A cheap therapy session from the comfort of Row F, Seat 14. Almost anyone with the organs to do it finds sex to be both powerful and frustrating, satisfying and awkward. Those within a Bible-following community tend to associate the sexual act with evil, and many churches focus intently on preventing their young people from having sex before marriage, as they believe the Bible to encourage. This results in an unusual phenomenon: sex has become socially constructed as both a holy act within the confines of marriage and a dirty sin in any other situation.
In an essay on Einstein’s brain, cultural critic Roland Barthes argues that people find a sense of security and comfort through contradiction. Namely, he argues that Einstein, a great mathematician, is remembered as nearly mythic in his ability to conjure key scientific formulas. So by describing Einstein as both “eternal researcher and unfulfilled discoverer,” people find comfort knowing that such a powerful brain has faults and limits (Barthes 70). In the same vein, the Christian community finds comfort in casting sex in these contradicting lights. Unlike Barthes’ argument, though, it is not the contradiction itself that provides comfort for the Christian community but their ability to solidify the parameters of sin through this contradiction. In explaining what aspects of sex are sinful, a heightened sense of good-versus-evil provides a stronger deterrent from participating in anything “wrong.” For this reason, Christians demonize sexual promiscuity in order to abstain from it. Often rigid moralists, Christians represent sex as both sinful and holy in order to clarify for themselves a set of rules by which to live, a proverbial litmus test of their righteousness. After all, such definite parameters are necessary to provide an objective judgment. Essentially, the Christian community finds comfort in their constructed, legalistic views.
The most helpful way to begin a discussion of sex is to first look at how Christian scholars describe the purpose and plan for sex. From the highest Catholic authority, the
Many people, however, desire further analytical rationale to motivate themselves to obey such laws, finding a rule’s existence within the Bible not sufficient reason to obey it. In the case of avoiding sexual sin, Christians struggle to reconcile their beliefs with the desires pulsing, pun intended, through their veins. Describing sex as a “ride toward a deadly waterfall” (James), Christian magazines, like Campus Life, feature stories from teens and young adults that discuss their sexual frustrations, with the intent of reminding singles that they are not alone in their struggles. In one such article, the writer describes his battle with lust, pornography, and masturbation. After confiding in a group of guys, he “discovered they were a lot like [him]: feeling guilty about lust, yet unable to gain control over it” (Allen). Besides being different than their peers, Christian teens must fight their own internal desires. Taking a vow of abstinence does not exempt them from the feelings of a normal young person. Like alcoholics, Christians ban together to support each other’s decision to stay clean. In another piece from Campus Life, a girl who chose to remain nameless describes her addiction to masturbation. Embarrassed to discuss the issue with her friends, since lust is often perceived as a male issue, she turns to the Bible for guidance. Dismayed, she relates, “I couldn't find the word ‘masturbation’ anywhere. A good ‘you may’ or ‘thou shalt not’ from God would have been really helpful” (Thompson). Frustrating for many Christians, the Bible does not always explicitly address specific issues. It cannot give advice for where to attend college, nor does it explain what kind of social interaction will be appropriate in the year 2057. Those devoted to its study will discover that the Bible presents a way to filter such questions through a basic moral system. However, many Christians prefer to have their respected clergy explain Biblical ideas and are much more content to live by the set of rules defined for them.
In youth groups, sex is described as something to wait for. The recently popular “True Love Waits” movement encourages teens to take a vow of abstinence, suggesting that sex will be much better for those who have waited until marriage. Often, this abstinence propaganda is shockingly more dramatic about the potential consequences of sex:
Sex can make you feel like you’re experiencing true love. That makes a breakup very painful, which can lead to deep depression, hopelessness, and even suicide. And breaking up is only one cause of sex-related depression. The consequences of losing your virginity, getting AIDS, getting a VD, conceiving a baby outside of marriage, killing that baby, hurting your reputation, ruining someone else’s reputation, and disappointing those who trusted you can all lead to depression, and worse (“Awesome”).
Appeals such as this use strong language to make sex acts seem blatantly vile, generalizing them as “abuses,” saying that they “poison good character” (Appeal). In truth, these movements relate many valid points—unwanted children and disease are certainly negative potential consequences of sexual promiscuity; however, the wording that they use seems to suggest that regardless of the situation, sex will be horrifyingly destructive. Instead of relying on logical, educated, and Bible-based arguments, these abstinence proponents found their cause on scare tactics.*
Further argument suggests that “many problems in marriages today stem from the fact that they are not virgins when they marry” (“Bible Answers”) Attributing such consequences to sexual activity before marriage not only heightens the perceived penalty of sexual sin, but also furthers the gap between the contradicting views of sex as dirty versus sex as holy. Until marriage, Christians seem constantly bombarded with this negative view of sex, so it seems only natural that they will have difficulty in the transition. Once assured that they were practicing holiness by avoiding sex, singles eventually become newlywed couples and a paradigm shift must occur. Again, Christians must turn to their original definition of sexual relations—that sex is pure within the confines of marriage. Because of their previously negative view, many newlywed couples have difficulty making a mental switch between viewing their sexual feelings as something to be suppressed into something to be encouraged and enjoyed. Logic argues that sexual problems lead to avoiding the sexual act altogether, which often results in one or both partners seeking satisfaction elsewhere—either through an adulterous affair or pornography.
Only in recent years has there been a revolution in the openness with which the church will talk about sex. For many years, churches focused on demonizing sex before marriage as a way to widen the gap between what is deemed appropriate sexual activity and what is considered sin. In this way, the lay-Christian may more easily discern good from evil in order to follow God’s Law. Meanwhile, to address marital problems, Christian leaders now give more focus to the under-developed positive arguments for sex. Increasing conversation about healthy sex lives—still within the confines of marriage—helps to strengthen the “holy side” of the sexual contradiction. One of the forerunners of this new “sex craze,” Joe Beam, is a southern pastor who gives seminars on sexuality from a Biblical perspective. Answering questions ranging from whether oral sex and masturbation are permissible to explanation and physical demonstration on how to give a “blow job,” Beam hopes to encourage sexual freedom by sharing positive messages about sex from the point of view of a studied and trusted Christian authority, arguing for the existence of a “strong correlation between sexual satisfaction and marital satisfaction” (Holt). Calling sex “sacred,” Beam explains: “The church generally prefers not to talk about it. But that has a dual impact. It keeps it shrouded in ignorance and the implication is that since you are not talking about it, it’s bad” (Alexander).
Additionally, seeking counseling from Christian sex therapists has helped to foster a more comfortable outlook on sexuality within marriage. Established sex therapists, Clifford and Joyce Penner, explain that when a couple begins to have sexual problems, they often begin to question the relationship or their love for the other person. Understanding that many problems arise from “a plain failure of communication and intimacy” helps many Christians to renew, or ignite for the first time, their sex lives (Penner). Therapy helps to develop the other side of the sexual coin by identifying problems that can be linked to a negative view of sex. In discussing sexual abuse within marriage, Joyce Penner’s explanation provides an analogy for how perceptions can control cultural definitions: “An action can feel like abuse to the wife...His actions may constitute normal sexual behavior patterns, but because of her past abuse, what he's doing feels like abuse... [and] as long as she perceives what he's doing as abuse, it is abuse” (Penner). In this case, the pain experienced by the wife is genuinely hurtful, and she will only experience healing once she begins to view her husband’s advances with a positive perception of sexuality. In the same way, married Christians find sexual freedom once they begin to view sex as a Godly act.
Granted, demonizing sex in a general sense helps the Church prevent sexual promiscuity, but many fail to provide a positive, Scripturally-based explanation of why a single person should abstain from sex. Rather than present an appropriate outline for sexual behavior in simple terms, Christians prefer to exaggerate the difference between “good” and “bad” sex. While this diverges from a message of forgiveness through grace, legalistic boundaries seem safer to the church-goer, which is why Christians focus not on enjoying the intimacy and pleasure of sex but on ensuring that they are doing it right. As with other areas of potential sin, amplified differences between proper and improper behavior help Christians determine their actions. Before marriage, sex must be painted as dramatically evil to reinforce the motivation to avoid it, and after marriage, an equally heightened view of the goodness of sex helps couples hop to the other side of the sexual fence.
*Footnote: The volume of available information touting reasons to abstain from sex was frightening, and while, to focus the paper, I felt no need to include further proof of such scare tactics, the quotations were nonetheless interesting:
“Fornication is not just tolerated in our society but is actually being encouraged. The sin of fornication is being committed even among Christians, as many couples "live together" and have sex before marriage” (“Bible Answers”).
“Promiscuous kids constantly try to drag down students who haven't yet been corrupted by the sin of fornication. The so-called "health centers" practically throw birth control devices at students. Then there are all the parties, with free-flowing booze and drugs” (Appeal).
“Just think of all the lives that will be ruined and the unborn babies who will be slaughtered unless we take action right away to prevent it” (Appeal).
“One of the most heartbreaking stories is "How Men Feel After Abortion" by Steve Arterburn. It took heroic courage for Steve to write this. He reveals that his guilt over paying an abortionist to kill his own child ‘resulted in 80 ulcers eating at my stomach, intestines, and colon.’ The Lord healed him physically and spiritually after he repented” (Appeal).
Works Cited
Alexander, Brian. “America
Allen, Mark. “Every Guy’s Struggle.” Campus Life Magazine. March/April 2003. ChristianityToday.com. 1 Feb. 2007 .
Appeal for Donation. 2000. Eds. Fr. Frank Pavone and David Perkins. Lovematters.com. 1 Feb 2007 <http://www.lovematters.com>.
Barthes, Roland. Mythologies. Trans. by Annette Lavers. New York
“Bible Answers: What does the Bible Say About Fornication?” © 1995-2005. Bible.com. 1 Feb. 2007 .
Holt, Lester. “Sexploration columnist Brian Alexander and preacher Joe Beam talk to NBC's Lester Holt about lovemaking lessons from the Bible.” 16 Sept. 2006. MSNBC.com. 1 Feb. 2007
James, Steven. “Dangerous Current.” Campus Life Magazine. June/July 2004. ChristianityToday.com. 1 Feb. 2007 .
Penner, Dr. Clifford and Joyce Penner, R.N. Interview. “Show 209 Transcript: Who Needs Sex Therapy?” By Dr. Paul Abramson, Dr. Vern Bullough, and Dr. Sherwin (Shep) Nulland. 2000. Closer to Truth. 1 Feb. 2007
1 comment:
i never have to write papers and am in awe of you. *bows out of your literary glory*
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